Finding Her

Chapter 4

Abby

I was sitting in the fifth row in front of the pastor, with my parents.

This week we were going to be talking about about body image, go figures.

Our church, Zion Baptist Church. Is very big on letting the people know, that God wants us to see ourselves in a positive way, because of the many suicides lately that were happening.

Were they wrong? Of course not.

What they didn't understand though, was that our society has gotten tragically worse.

Meaning high school wasn't the same, beauty standards were higher than ever, and before you say damn I must be insecure.

I'm not, but it's not a nice feeling, when you have niggas like Kenny, always saying something about you.

Or girls like Tamika who knew they were good looking, and didn't think twice about rubbing it in.

Girls like me just didn't stand the chance.

Forgive me God but I really do be wanting to just run.
Run away from everyone and everything.

I looked over at my mom and dad, wondering why in the world didn't I look like them?

My mom was my height and had a Tyra Banks body. She seriously could've been a model if she chose.
I remembered when I was younger, how badly I used to cry because I didn't look like her.

She would always comfort me and tell me that she wanted to look like me, and that I had nothing to cry about because I was a beautiful girl.

My dad held my hand while he listened to the pastor.

My dad and I had always been close, people say I resemble him more because of our milk chocolate skin tone, and light brown eyes.

I mean we also shared the same eating habits too.

My dad was a big man too and he ate more than our whole family combined.

I focused my eyes back to the pastor's sermon.

"Brothers and sisters, turn your pages to first Peter, chapter 3 verse 3 to 4. It will be the last one for the day"

I got my phone out and went to the Bible app.

Jo-Vaugn had texted me yesterday, saying he wanted to meet up after church, but I declined saying that my parents wouldn't let me.

Which wasn't a total lie, every Sunday our family always have a big reunion back at my house. With my uncles and aunties, snotty little cousins.

It would be filled with food and laughter, and I didn't feel like skipping out on it, just because he wanted to meet up.

"It says, Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

He patted his head down, wiping away the sweat.

"Just the other day my nephew said to me, Unc why do we see things, the way we do?"

He looked out in the crowd and closed his Bible.

"I wanted him to go into detail on what he meant, but of course he didn't want to talk about it."

"Typical teenagers, how their mind works never seems to amaze me." He chuckled.

"I told him, son are you feeling well because I don't know what it is exactly you're trying to ask me,"