Breathe Again

Chapter 10

They sat at their favorite spot in the meadow, surrounded by wildflowers, their sweet smell perfuming the air around them.

Dottie fidgeted with her skirts, more nervous than she could ever remember being in her whole life. "Hawk, what would you say...if I told you—" she swallowed, hesitating before admitting, "I-I love you?"

Not a breeze stirred, as though it too held its breath while she waited for Sterling's reply.

Slowly, she looked up and met his gaze.

Sterling's heart thumped erratically in his chest and sweat broke out on his skin. Had it not been for Martin admitting he was desperately in love with Dottie a month ago, he wouldn't be in this torturous situation now.

He'd be free to admit that his feelings mirrored hers. He could allow himself to soak up the joy that filled his heart just moments ago before dropping like a leaded weight in his stomach. However, he could never tell her the truth.

All because of Martin, and that stupid promise, he had to lie to Dottie. Sterling cursed that day because it had opened his eyes to his feelings for her.

Plucking a blade of grass, he shredded it with his fingers and gritted his teeth. He kept his eyes averted and mumbled, "I love you too, Dot."

Her eyes widened and filled with sparkling joy as she smiled and exclaimed, "You do?"

Sterling forced a swallow down his throat tight with emotion and tried to tease, "Yeah, like I loved my dog Lenny. That's how I love you."

Tears welled up in her pretty eyes, and the blood drained in her face. He wanted to cry too. The joyful light that had shined from her just moments ago dimmed until all that remained was a sadness that made his heart hurt.

He forced himself to look at her and swallowed past a lump of emotion, praying his voice would remain steady and continued, "You're my friend, Dot." Snapping his mouth shut, he grimaced. He couldn't do it. He could not bear the pain in her eyes. But neither could he break his word to Martin. Hoping to ease her distress and his own, he whispered, "And I do love you...like a sister—if I had a sister, I guess."

Her mouth bent into a sad smile when she turned her face away and stared across the meadow — the day that had been bright and hopeful only seconds before now felt cold and desolate.

She pressed a hand against the ache in her chest, surprised at how badly his rejection hurt. "I guess that's a little better than being compared to your dog." She glanced at him and whispered brokenly, "Lenny was a good dog, so I guess even that's a bit of a compliment."

Sterling clenched his jaw tight and nodded, hating how wrong it felt. If Martin were here, Sterling would drive his fist into his face before saying anything more to hurt Dottie.

His heart screamed for him to speak the truth. But, he'd made a promise. Swallowing the bile that rose to his throat and choked him, he murmured, "And you don't have fleas."

Dottie sniffled and stumbled to her feet, but not before Sterling saw her wipe at her cheeks and knew there were tears.

After a few quiet moments, she turned to him with a falsely bright smile, "I need to be getting on home. Mama will be worried, and I-I promised her I'd help with..." she swallowed and blinked. Her chin wobbled, and a tear rolled down her cheek when she shook her head, "I better go."

Even now, fourteen years later, the heartache and embarrassment of Sterling's rejection haunted her. Dottie stared at the bubbling stew hanging from the trivet over the cooking fire, forgetting she held the spoon in her hand.