Breathe Again

Chapter 19

A deafening silence was the only answer.

Dottie let loose an unladylike snort, slapped a hand over her mouth, and waited to see if the men had heard her. When Sterling and Ashfield failed to appear before her brandishing weapons and angry faces at being spied upon, she let out an anxious breath.

She shook her head at the absurdity of it all. Sterling had never been in love with her. What was Ashfield thinking to have leaped to that irrational conclusion?

All this time she'd believed him to be a smart man, only to hear him say something as ridiculous as the idea that Sterling had loved her.

Ashfield watched Sterling try to mask his easily discernible emotions and stated, "You still love her."

Dottie snorted again. Ashfield had clearly lost touch with reality if he thought for one sec-

"Martin claimed her first."

Dottie clutched the railing with a white-knuckled grip. So much pain and anger infused Sterling's voice when he said it that it brought tears to her eyes. And then she realized what he had said.

Blood rushed loudly in her ears, making it even harder to believe her heart wasn't playing a trick on her, and she'd heard him correctly.

Martin claimed her first? What did Sterling mean Martin had claimed her first? Why wasn't she aware of this? Shouldn't she have had a say?

"Wipe that stupid grin off your face before I punch you."

"I thought you didn't fight men who were shorter than you?" Ashfield bit back a smile and resumed snipping and removing sutures.

Needing to defend himself and also unburden his troubled mind, Sterling stated, "We were fifteen, and from the moment Martin declared his feelings for her, I promised him, in a pact of secrecy, I would only care for her as a friend." Sterling paused a moment before admitting, "I denied my feelings for her even when they were married."

He winced when Ashfield removed another suture and tilted his head to watch him snip three more. "And yes, she still doesn't know, and that's why she can't know I was here the day of the fire."

Ashfield frowned and pursed his lips before asking, "What happened?"

Sterling laid back and sighed. What didn't happen? Just thinking about that day made him sick. "I made a real muck of it all the day she told me they were getting married. I've kept myself away from her ever since."

He met Ashfield's questioning look, "I kissed her if you must know. She told me Martin asked her to marry him and I couldn't bear it; even though he had told me two weeks previous he would be asking her. Hearing her say it-" he stared blankly ahead. "I think a part of me hoped she would turn him down and choose me regardless."

Rubbing his face, he swallowed the emotion tightening his throat. "I was so angry and helpless against it all. I didn't know what else to do...so I kissed her and ruined our friendship. Immediately after their wedding ceremony, I left for the war."

Ashfield frowned, "Why were you angry if you never proclaimed your love for her?"

Dottie wiped tears from her cheeks and held her breath, waiting for Sterling's answer.

After what seemed an eternity of silence, Sterling, at last, said, "She'd confessed to loving me not too long after Martin claimed her as his."

Ashfield raised a dubious brow. "Back when you were fifteen?"

Sterling nodded with a sigh.

Taking a step back, Ashfield cocked his head to the side. "So, you're saying that because of some 'claim' made at the advanced age of fifteen, even after finding out she loved you and not him—you still refused to declare your feelings when you discovered they were going to be married...and you were how old at this point?"