Infinite Skies

Plan F

Trigger warning: Pretty blatant depiction of self harm.

Author's note: I don't know why I put this pretty sad flashback in here, but I did. It's pretty "meh" but I'm still posting it, so...
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Plan F

Ruined Timeline: Past

"Steven…Steven…" Steven heard someone call his name, though sort of faded. "Steven!" She called more clearly.

Steven moaned as his eyes fluttered open and he found himself in Lapis' arm, the blue gem looking down at him, fear evident.

"Steven, are you okay?!" She asked.

Steven looked around him, finding a blood covered blade on the floor. He looked to his wrists, each having been bandaged by the gem holding him now.

Steven didn't even groan this time. She had saved him again…as she always did.

Eighty four years, seven months, and twenty two days, that had been the time that passed since Lapis "rescued" him from his dying planet…the one he had hoped to die protecting. Each year went like it was a century in itself, droning on and on with the halfwit water gem as his only company. The worst part though wasn't her ever present stupidity or naivety, which Steven became increasingly aware of thanks to many lessons he took on Earth from Peridot on the inner workings of the universe and his own studies during his time aboard the ship, but the fact that she was always there, always watching, always protecting her precious sunshine. Couldn't she see that he only wanted to leave this wretched place and join his family in the afterlife? Was that so much to ask for even? But no, she refused to give him that freedom. It had become abundantly clear to Steven that he was merely a prisoner of "love" to the gem who forced him to exist, who force-fed when he refused to eat, who never allowed him around any materials that she deemed dangerous enough to even remotely bring an end to his miserable life. Lapis loved him so much…she loved him to the point that she almost couldn't stand it (and to the point that Steven couldn't stand it), where she was constantly trying to make him happy, trying to interact, trying to fuse even (daily), so of course she didn't want to release him from his pain and her life…and Steven hated her dearly for it.

"Steven, what were you thinking?!" Lapis cried, trying to express anger, but only managing to speak through sobs as tears welled up in her eyes. She hugged him close to her. "You could have- you almost- …I thought you were finally getting happier."

Steven didn't even try to struggle out of her hold, knowing all too well how much more powerful Lapis was than himself, simply giving an eye roll. He had heard similar speeches, similar guilt trips put in place to keep him from hurting himself, from her in the past, they had done this song and dance many times before.

"Whatever, just take me to bed and cry yourself to sleep like you always do." Steven said, voice void of sympathy. It would have been odd to hear from him on Earth, given how caring and considerate he was, but at this point, he had become a new person, a mere shell of the child he had once been.

Lapis' expression fell in an almost defeated manner, which was deceiving given that she refused to be defeated. She had continued to preserve his existence for a long time, longer than Steven cared to remember. It was pitiful for both of them, that one tried to protect what gave her life worth while the other didn't want his own life to have any.

Steven didn't care as Lapis' grip fell from his. He merely pulled away from her, ready to leave and recharge to prepare for the next day, which would likely be a repeat of last week with how repetitive their lives were, where she cheerily tried to make him smile even for a moment and he filled the empty void in his life with the only thing he found anything even remotely akin to pleasure, research, which was made possible because of the last gift Peridot had given to him, her (sort of) repaired limb enhancer, complete with the floating digits and database to go with it. Steven went on like it was any other Tuesday, which it was, like it should have been. However, as he tried, something happened that finally broke their cycle of predictability…forever. And it all started with a painful gripping of his arm.