The Cowboy

Loosing It All

I watched fire consume the plantation I once called home while my father held me back to keep me from running back in to save my mother and baby brother. Screaming and shouting at the top of my lungs as if it would bring them back to me, I have never more in my life wanted to shoot someone but right now the anger consumed me like the fire infront of me. When the house caved in I fell to the ground, my mother was gone along with my brother.

My lungs hurt but I still sobbed uncontrollably, my father stood behind me in disbelief but I knew he wouldn't comfort me. Josephine, my nurse as a baby and who was always watching out for me knelt beside me trying to comfort me but it didn't work, the pain of my mother being gone was like a a knife stabbing me. Josephine picked me up off the ground after my father asked her to do something, she led me to the buggy where Amos our coachman gave me a sad look, he wasn't much for emotions but I knew he grieved my mother.

Josephine sat beside me as the buggy trudged on slowly, horses was coming and going everything was cattywampus! The Yankees made a surprise attack that no one knew about until an hour before it happened. I just couldn't stand the chaos around me, I was terrified never in my life had I been exposed to so much violence, father would never even speak of the war around me.

" Oh, Jane!" My cousin Tillie screeched when the buggy had stopped, I raised my head and opened my eyes looking out into the dark night seeing her with a lantern illuminating her ivory skin.

" Tillie!" I cried hugging her from the buggy, she helped me down leading me into her and her husband's large home. She took me to the parlor where I sat on the burgundy sofa while she fetched me a cup of tea, staring at the grand granite mantle where a rifle rested. I took every bit of strength I had left not to take it down and go shoot the men who killed my mother, hate consumed me I bit the insides of my cheek until I tasted copper.

" Here's your tea darling." Tillie said sitting beside me, her hoop skirt pushing against mine that's when I looked down at my light blue gown it was destroyed with rips and black marks across it. I burst into another fit of tears, I can't see why God would do this to my mother she was a very kind woman. I collected myself when Tillie took me to a get room and brought me a wash tub, looking in the mirror my hair flew in every direction, my dress was ripped and stained and I was caked in mud.

The wash tub was brought to my room along with some hot water, Tillie helped me clean up and let me borrow a night gown. I went to bed but sleep wouldn't come the moon shown brightly through the window of the guest room I slept in, it looked peaceful amongst all of the chaos. I would give anything to be somewhere peaceful in this moment but everywhere you look men was fighting, we lost more men than would probably ever be able to be counted.

Drifting off to sleep I wondering when the war that had raged on since I was fourteen, was going to end. 

Next Morning:

I woke up confused, why was I in Tillie's guest room? Looking around the room and then seeing my shoes upon the floor, then I remembered my mother's dead. Just as the thought crossed my mind a knock came from the door.

" You may enter." My voice said sounding foreign to me, Tillie came through the door with black fabric draped over her arm.

" I brought you a gown. You'll need to get dressed soon, guest will be here soon." She said standing infront of the door. I didn't want to get out of bed but I knew that it was improper not to mingle with guest.

" Can you help me tie my corset?" I asked in a very seemingly tired voice

" Of course my dear." Tillie said willingly

After putting the black dress on, which I hated because of what it represents, I went down to the dining room table and found father eating breakfast. He looked up from his plate when I cleared my throat, my father never shows emotions but I could see the hurt in his eyes. I seated myself across from him not speaking a word, neither did he.

When breakfast was over a knock came from the door making Tillie run to answer. I sat in the parlor doing nothing when I heard voices coming from the foyer, that was the person I least wanted to see today. Standing up and running my fingers over the silk gown to smooth the wrinkles, he entered the room.

" Miss Peters, the pleasure is mine." Hugh Skagg a local banker said bending over and kissing my hand, he had came a callin' and requested my hand in marriage so many times that it wasn't even amusing. I didn't have an interest in him, he was fat, balding and almost the age of my father. It made my father angry that I didn't find any interest in the suitors that had shown interest in me but I had no interest in them. I wasn't about to spend the rest of my life in an unhappy marriage, and it was evident that was what my father wants me to do all for the sake of money.

" Mr. Skagg." I said flatly and curtsying just as my father entered the room

" Hugh! What a pleasant surprise!" My father said standing to my right

" Jacob, I was wondering if you had some time to discuss a very important matter?" Hugh said taking his coat in both of his hands, I knew what he was up to.

" Well yes I've gotten the time, have a seat. Tillie can you and Jane fetch some coffee?" My father said taking a seat.

" Could I substitute for some tea the coffee is gone?" Tillie said sounding exasperated, it didn't surprise me that the coffee was gone it was nearly impossible to get anything these days.

" That'll be quiet alright." My father said turning and taking a seat, I and Tillie scurried off to the kitchen.

" Tillie, can you believe that man wanting to discuss business right after my mother's death?!" I said putting stale cookies on a platter as Tillie boiled the tea.

" Now Jane we can't assume that he is here on business." Tillie said arranging the serving tray

" I guess your right" I said more to myself than I did her

" Here serve this before it goes cold." Tillie said putting the silver tray into my hands, holding my head high and walking into the parlor. I wasn't even in the room when I heard what they was saying.

" I believe Jane is ready for marriage, now when was you thinking we should have the wedding?" I heard my father's voice say making the anger boil inside. His wife and child just died and here he was making plans to marry his daughter off the day after.

" I was thinking two weeks time is plenty long enough." I heard Skagg say smugly, I wasn't going to let on that I just heard their conversation so marched right in and sat the tray on the coffee table in between them.

" Jane, sit we have a very important matter to discuss." My father said in a business like manner, I sat in a chair infront of them both clasping my hands together out of habit.

" A decision has been reached that in two weeks you will be married to Mr. Skagg." My father said being straight to the point, I bit my tongue knowing better than to protest but I knew that I had to find a way out of this. Both the men looked at me expectantly as if waiting for me to jump for joy and be happy, my mother had just passed and I was not about to celebrate being married to a man who I had no interest in even carrying a conversation on with let alone be married to.

" I'll be in the guest room." I said standing up and walking gracefully up the grand stair case, I could only imagine the looks on both of the mens faces as I walked away without a word. Reaching the room and shutting the door behind me grateful I had privacy, I began to pace the room thinking and racking my brains for a way out of this marriage. My father knew that I didn't want to be married to someone unless I loved them and I knew that there had to be a way out of this.