"Nothing's gonna change my world." - Across the Universe, the Beatles
. . .
Los Angeles, California, 2016
It's times like these that I wonder what keeps me awake.
My eyes are closed, and the Beatles play quietly from Bo's stereo. The darkness engulfs me, and I've never been more exhausted.
I turn over. I can't get to sleep.
The sounds of Bo and Lorene fighting fill my ears like white noise. They're quiet fighters. Lorene is calm and collected, and Bo is gentle and honest. Their voices reflect an air of thoughtfulness, and Bo's voice is slow enough for me to tell that he's really thinking his words through.
But, I know they're fighting. They never stay up this late, and they certainly don't talk this late. They don't leave the lights on, and they don't turn the TV on to make sure I can't hear. Tonight is different from all the others.
I turn the Beatles up one notch. "Across the Universe" plays in my ear. John Lennon's voice sings in a sad tone, Phil Spector's orchestra and choir coming alive in the background.
I roll over, and suddenly the TV in Bo's room turns off. Lorene's voice, shaky but clear, says, "I'm not in love with you."
The light inside their bedroom turns off.
I lie back into my pillow, processing. "Nothing's gonna change my world," Lennon sings, over and over and over. It seems to echo into eternity, and it settles into my ears.
Why can't I get to sleep?
. . .
Bo
It wasn't supposed to be easy. It was supposed to be awful and fighting and grating and a struggle. Maybe I got too lucky. Maybe I didn't get a chance to work hard enough, and now this is how i'm supposed to compensate.
Being with Lorene is easy. She's intelligent and kind, and she's all that I want. Maybe I'm just not good enough for her. If she isn't in love with me, I can't do anything about it.
I lie in bed, my ears ringing, as the empty space next to me seems to swallow me.
Maybe it has to be hard and fighting and grating. I know what relationship was the hardest, the most difficult years of my life. I know who I had to fight to communicate with, but I also know who has always been open and honest to me.
Lorene vs. Justine. Going viral vs. working hard.
I sigh as the sun begins to rise over L.A.
The city looks ten times darker now.
. . .
A/N: Long walk for a short drink of water... sooo sorry for the extremely long break i've taken from wattpad. i came back after a pretty long time to, like, 78 notifications and new comments, so i thought i should just upload this and stop being a terrible writer.
i'm really gonna try to get back to this, but my writing has gone a little stale, if that makes sense.
anyways, thanks to EVERYONE who read while i was gone, and everyone who stayed through the break because i'm back !
vote, comment, share, and i "love" you guys.
