Fireflies In Autumn (Frikey)

Chapter 16

Nothing much happened the rest of the school day. I saw Frank at Lunch time hanging around Drew and Jake and Nameless... As well as Amanda. But he was only sitting next to her, not smiling not talking, not putting his arm around her. Every so often he would glance my way and his eyes were filled with that same look they had in gym class just before he left to go to the locker room. I shared the look even while doing nothing about it. I wanted to be ice cold and ignore him, or cut Frank ugly looks and anger. But all I could feel was how much I missed him. I even convinced myself that it would be worth it if Frank comes around. I was probably kidding myself, though. Like Frank would come around, right?

After that it was only History class filled with those same distant, and longing eyes from across the seats. But we didn't speak to each other. He left me alone, realizing that Drew and Jake and Nameless just didn't care anymore. I wondered if they'd care if they knew Frank and I had been having sex regularly for two weeks? I really doubted it, but Frank must not have. Whenever they were around his looks were clandestine, and quick. When it was just him and me, surrounded by indifferent students just paying attention to their assignments, the looks lingered forever. Sometimes he even rested his head on his arms and just watched me, like that day I had to stay after school and clean the gym.

I would swear he missed me, too.

When History let out, I kept expecting Frank to walk up to me and say something, but he just breezed on past me like I wasn't even there, and I followed him out of the classroom where I saw him greet Amanda and walk down the hallway side-by-side, but with no kissing, no hand-holding, or arms around her shoulder. It was like watching a couple of friends together.

I wanted Frank to talk to me, even when I told myself it was better off that way. But I was convinced that it was very likely over between us. I'd given him an ultimatum he had no intentions of accepting on my behalf. I guess I didn't have as much power as I thought I would. So if this was the end of us, what sort of new beginning was I going to face later on?

Just before Frank turned the corner, his eyes met mine one final time. Another look like the ones through-out History and Lunch filled those beautiful olive tones. Somehow, no matter how I tried to reason it out, I felt like it wasn't quite over yet. But... No. No, it had to be. Apparently I was asking for too fucking much where Frank was concerned. God forbid I should request that he be nice to me from now on, to drop his girlfriend on my account without any reasonable explanation behind it, and to then just tell the whole world he willingly fucks Mikey Way at every possible convenience. Shit, no wonder he wanted to keep it a secret. I'm a loser.

Gerard picked me up after school again. I met him out there by the front of the building, just going on a hunch. He was waiting by the car, smoking a cigarette, which he put out as soon as he saw me coming. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a stab of guilt over that. But I just kept it to myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked as soon as he saw me. I didn't realize that I was coming off in such a way to invoke a question like that.

"Nothing," I said as casually as I could, even as I wondered if Gerard could tell it was as forced as I recognized it to be. He must have because then he said,

"No, really."

"I'm fine. Just tired, I guess. We had a hard test today in Algebra."

"Ah," he said, then opened the door when he walked over to the driver's side. I looked at the school entrance and saw Frank standing there, wondering if he thought anything about Gerard taking me home. His expression was almost blank and not really anything to go by. I kept my eyes on him while Gerard cranked up and pulled off down the parking lot, till it became impossible to look at Frank from any angle. I didn't feel any elation from his look. I didn't know what I felt really. I think I was pretty numb.