Hating Archer [WATTY'S 2017]

Chapter Eleven- Therapist

I pursed my lips as I walked down the hallway, hoping not to see Archer. I couldn't just avoid the entire group, but I can't face Archer, knowing that he had seen the weak and fragile girl within me. My jaw clenched. He wasn't supposed to know me like that and it honestly pissed me off, but then again, somewhere deep down, I was very grateful for what he did despite his hatred for me.

But what if he told the others?

I froze. What if he told the others about me? Then I remembered Dad saying that Asher brought me home. What if he really did tell them what happened?

Would he do that though?

I continued walking as I wondered how I was going to face the others. I looked ahead of me and just saw people walk past me. I blinked. I felt the temperature rising and the sweat formed on my forehead, dripping down my temples. All the other sounds got blocked and the only thing I heard were my excessive heartbeats.

I had to calm down. I had to find a way to distract myself, otherwise I knew I would get a panic attack again and I couldn't risk that at school.

“There you are!” I heard a voice and I turned my head to look at the person, who was Aria, of course. “We've been looking everywhere for you.” she said and that's when I noticed the rest. The only people missing were Blake and of course, Archer.

We hugged and then walked to the school cafeteria. There were still fifteen minutes left for school to start and I was free the first period, so I was all good. We sat down and right then Archer walked towards us.

I felt my heart beat faster once again and I did everything I could to avoid eye contact. From the corner of my eye, I saw him stopping and sitting next to Aria. This time he didn't complain about me being around him and I couldn't even look up to see if he was watching me or not.

Somewhere deep down, I kept asking myself if he even cared about me or not, and I actually wanted him to care. I didn't quite understand why I would ever want him to care, but last night, his touch and the softness in his voice made me feel a certain way.  It was a feeling I couldn't quite describe.

I looked up at him and my eyes grew slightly wider when I saw him looking at me. I licked my lips, feeling a bit uncomfortable under his intense stare. Why was I even feeling like this? Why did he have the ability to make me question my own emotions?

The buzzer went off and I smiled at the rest as they walked off, waving at us. I looked at Archer and realized he was still only staring at me. I didn't say anything, I just stared back at him.

“Aren't you supposed to be in class?” I asked rather roughly. I didn't want him to find out that he had an impact on me.

He stared at me for a few seconds. “I do, actually,”

“Then why are you still here?” I asked. I did in fact want him gone.

“I thought I would skip, but now realizing that it's math class, I don't want to take any risks,” he said and got up, throwing his bag over his shoulder. “Besides, if I see you again it will be too soon.”

I didn't say anything, I just stared at him as he started to walk off, but somewhere deep down I started feeling a bit sad that he was actually leaving.

“Archer!” I called his name and he stopped.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow at me, “What?”

I blinked and lowered my gaze for a second before looking back at him. “Thank you,” I breathed out. “For yesterday... You really helped...”

I could feel my pride committing suicide after admitting that. Maybe I shouldn't have thanked him. I didn't understand why he did it in the first place. I knew he hated me and there was no way in hell he would just do something like that out of nothing.

“You're welcome,” he smiled before turning around and walking out of the cafeteria.

I stared at the doors, blinking in disbelief. Did he just smile at me?

A tear streamed down my face as I finished the last sentence with great difficulty. I just wish I could smack myself. It took me years to get out of this place and now I'm here again with nothing but guilt and pain.

I didn't want to bring any of this up anymore. I just wish I could bury all of these memories and never think of them again, but I knew that would never happen. I would never be able to do that, because I knew everything would have gone better if I was just a better sister.

“Why do you think all of that was your fault? You did your best to help them and believe me, there is nothing you could have done to stop it.”

I hugged my knees. “Maybe if I could just be a little faster, I would be able to save them. I failed as a sister. I know I could have saved them.”

“In your file is written that you have been in therapy for about a year before you had to move. I assume things were getting a bit better?” the therapist looked at me over her glasses.

“They were. I was all better. My anxiety calmed down, and I felt less guilty.” I sniffed.

“Then what do you think triggered all of this?” she leaned forward and intertwined her fingers.

“The storm...” I gasped and shuddered when I thought about the thunder and lightening bolts. “There was also a storm that day. It's why my parents were late and why they took their time to destroy my home...”

“Your father motioned a panic attack earlier. Can you perhaps tell me how bad it was?”

I looked out the window. “It was bad, but not as bad as last time where I attempted to murder Jake. I don't know what happened that day... I just wasn't myself anymore and I barely remember what happens during these panic attacks,” I looked at the therapist. “I feel like I'm going crazy...”

I closed my eyes. Perhaps I am going crazy...