Heaven Help Us

Chapter 4: Dysfunctional Family

Tamar

I tilted the bottle of Hennessy to my lips and chugged it. I loved the way it burned my chest; how the warmth spread. I looked around the room taking in all of my new life. Here I am 24, married to the man of my dreams with a beautiful daughter, Co-pastor of a mega church.

Daddy would be proud!

Instantly, the warm feeling ceased. The thought of my dad left a bad taste in my mouth. He was so disappointed when I told him I was pregnant. Mama wished i had waited but supported Brian and I's decision to keep it. That was 8 years ago. Daddy refused to acknowledge Judea as his grandchild.... Didn't show up at the hospital when she was born.... He didn't even show up at my wedding!

  I don't need daddy! 

Mama was there regardless of how she felt....even after Daddy threatened her with a divorce. Mommy stood her ground.....but i couldn't let her do that. Daddy was a powerful man, he could end her entire career and notable reputation. I couldn't let that happen. I stopped taking calls. I stopped sending pictures of Judea. I did it for her! Brian use to sit up with me at 3 AM holding me as I cried. He would cup my sepia face in his warm, soft mahogany colored hands and he would pray. Growing up a preacher's kid the most attractive thing a man can do is pray. Watching how he humbled himself, this strong, rugged being, to a power great than himself was sexy to me.

" Tamar. Baby, where are you?"

I almost choked mid sip on my Hennessy. Hurriedly, I covered it and placed the almost empty bottle in the shoe box and back on the shelf. I readjusted my hair and placed two mints in my mouth and took deep breathes. 

" Baby I'm in the closet!" I yelled in response. I heard my husband's heavy footsteps as he made his way up the stairs to our bedroom. I smelled his cologne before i saw him step into the closet we shared. There was enough clothes in this closet for us to never wear the outfit twice in a year. His wardrobe was a mix of suits for Sunday  and regular clothes for the week. Mine was a slew of dresses that my mother in law thought were appropriate for the wife of a pastor. I had every style of dress in every color. Although I loved the dressed secretly I missed my pants.

I looked at my husband as leaned against the closet door. The once light atmosphere became heavy and tugged on me. Something was on his mind and it was affecting his spirit. I don't know if he saw it but I definitely did and I'm not about to the let the devil wreck havoc in my house. 

" Baby you got something you wanna say? The heaviness in your spirit is not sitting right with mine", I said grabbing both of his hands in mine.

 He gave me a little lopsided grin that showed his adorable dimples and shook his head. Although he was slightly grinning his eyes were dark. I tightened my grip on his hands and stared into his brown eyes.

" Baby Denise called", he said pulling me into an embrace. " Your dad collapsed in service this morning. Mama Erica wants us to come." 

I pulled backed when he said the last part.

 After all I did she wants me to come home does she not understand I can ruin her life! 

My breathe quickened in my chest as I thought it through. Brian hurried to hold me in his muscular arms as i panicked. He was so use to these attacks he knew exactly how to calm me down. That's why I loved my husband because through it all he was there.

" Baby breathe. You're safe. It's gonna be okay. I promise" , Brian said rubbing my back as shook in his arms. The stairs creaked as footsteps approached the room. 

" Daddy", a light voice called out from the hallway.