Unconditional

Chapter 8

•Kimberly•

Monday morning rolled around quick and usually when I had Monday off I would hit the gym. But last night was a workout and I'm still sore but I got up anyway because I had to shower. I enjoyed a long, hot shower. After I was dressed in my purple Victoria Secret's Pink sweatsuit and some black-on-black Adidas classics, I went downstairs to the kitchen. My kitchen was spotless and breakfast was laid out on the island. Then Chris came out of the pantry. When he saw me he smiled and I returned the gesture. It was crazy because I thought that after last night I would feel awkward when it came to Chris but everything felt perfectly natural.

"Made breakfast and cleaned my kitchen, huh?" I asked looking around.

"Yeah," he smiled while leaning over and kissing me on my lips.

I thought that it was sweet of him but it was so out of his element that it seemed as if he was trying a little too hard. And not for me, but for himself. So when he hugged me I stiffened up. He looked down at me and frowned.

"What's the matter? You don't like it?" he asked me.

"Nothing, it's sweet but... it's just seems so out of your element. Like, you trying too hard for yourself. And I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything you're not comfortable doing."

"But I want to do this. I want to try this. Us." Then he paused briefly to let what he said soak in, " Of course right now it seems as if I'm trying too hard because I don't do this but I've never loved any woman besides my mother enough to show my appreciation until I met you. So, yes, I am new at this but that's okay. I want this," he explained softly while directing me to a stool at the island.

All of this was so surprising and I didn't know what to say or where to start, so I proceeded to fix my plate.

"You know, if you really love me," I started after saying grace, "then you'll understand when I say that I need time to think about an us before a commitment can be made."

Chris was looking like he couldn't understand what I was trying to tell him.

"What is there to think about? We've been talking about this since high school," he asked, confused.

"Yes... We did but then we stopped speaking of it all together because for some reason it became a sore subject that you didn't seem to want to touch."

"When I was in college I knew that I couldn't sell you any false dreams because of the girls I was surrounded by I knew I would probably cheat then."

"So what's the difference now?" I asked but didn't even give him a chance to answer, "besides, so much shit had happened since then that my trust in you just isn't the same. Like, even  you said that you still don't have your shit together. Chris, I'm your best friend, I've seen some of your females... I even admitted that you had a few potential ones but you dogged them."

Chris eyes were glazed over with longing but I couldn't give in. I had to make him realize that this wasn't a game but it was real life and we're both dealing with raw emotions here.

"So what does this all mean? Last night was nothing to you?" he asked.

There was a moment of silence and I finished the piece of french toast that I was chewing.

"Last night was far from nothing. I can say this now that you were my first. Not only when it comes to sex but my first love. But, I can't let my emotions get in the way of my better judgement."

"Okay," he exhaled, "so what does this all mean?"

"It means, that I want to date around a little. Play the fields and see what I truly want and need."