Chapter Four

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   Hayley opened the box. A note from Jackie was on top:

Dear family,
     I hope you are all doing well. I'm watching over you and I hear all of your late night prayers. I assume Hayley, maybe Caroline, is reading this. I know how much you love shoes Hayley. (Wink) Anyways, I've enclosed a journal that I've wrote in over the years, some pictures, for the boys; Jack's cufflinks, and for you girls; most of my jewelry is in the drawers of the dresser in my bedroom. Please read the journal, but do not judge me, and most definitely DO NOT let the public even know about it. I love you all more than anything and I'm walking right beside you even when you feel alone.
Love,
Mother

Hayley couldn't believe what she just read. She didn't tell anyone at that moment, she got the journal out. She opened it up to see a picture of Jack and Jackie.

 She opened it up to see a picture of Jack and Jackie

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   She flipped it over. There was a message on the back from Jack.

"To my one and only ~Jack"

   Hayley's heart melted. The love between Jack and Jackie was so strong, it was unbreakable. She was almost jealous of them. Everything they had seemed so perfect and flawless. Hayley decided to start on a random page. She closed her eyes and opened the journal. The page she opened it to was stained with tears. Luckily, it hadn't messed up the writing.

   I guess I should be happy for him. It's not fair though; Jack and I loved each other more than anything. What did we do to deserve this? Patrick found the love of his life and everything is going perfectly. What is the difference between him and Jack? Nothing. Everyone compares him to Jack, but of course, the bad luck comes to me. Oh Jack, I wish you were here. I wish we were together like we'd promised each other. I love Hayley, don't get me wrong, but why couldn't we have this? What have I ever done that was so wrong for you to be taken away from me? What did Patrick do extra to be able to live like this? All I wanted in life was to have a caring husband and a nice family. I had both, but not long enough. This makes it that much harder to get along with Patrick. We just got back on speaking terms and now this. He'd probably be better off without me. They all would be. He's living the perfect life, and here I am, living in sadness and sorrow. If suicide wasn't a terrible sin, I'd probably do it, but I want to end up with Jack in Heaven. The Church believes that suicide is one of the most selfish acts and it will send you straight to Hell. I remember that from Confirmation Class when I was in high school. Jack, I want to be with you. I had Cardinal Cushing pray for me to die after you left us. Apparently God didn't want to answer that prayer either. Gosh, I thought I was over this. It's not fair, I watched you die. I held you. I held your brains in my hands. Your lifeless body laid in my lap. Why? Why did God put me through this? I don't understand, why do I deserve this? Patrick, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. I'm a terrible mother and apparently a terrible person too. Just live your life. Don't worry about me because no one has seemed to care. Enjoy your fairytale, just know that there will never be another Camelot.

   Hayley started to cry. She didn't want Jackie to hate her. Jackie never acted that way to anyone. Hayley was confused. Jackie was always happy and wanted the best for everyone. She wasn't a woman of jealousy or hate; on the outside. The inner Jackie was a person no one knew. Hayley had to show someone, but not Patrick.
   A few minutes later, Caroline came back in the room. Hayley was in tears.
   "Hayley, what's wrong?" Caroline asked, her expression becoming really grim really fast. Hayley said nothing. She showed Caroline the Journal.
   "Oh Hayley!" Caroline cried and hugged her.
   "Just don't tell Patrick," Hayley told her. Caroline nodded as she read the rest of the entry. Jackie struggled worse than anyone knew.
   Nothing was perfect, not even for those that lived in Camelot.

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