The Hitchhiker's Guide to General Nonsense

Chapter 11

You would be hard-pressed to find memes and content worse than the Jokes topic's. In fact, the Jokes topic's content (I refuse to call them memes) are the 3rd worst in the universe.

In second place, we have the FNAF fandom. They themselves are great memes, but the stuff they make themselves are horrifying. During a showcase of their bullshit, 4 of the audience members died from a cerebral hemorrhage. Nightmarionette, the edge master of the topic, was reportedly "disappointed" by its reception. He was about to a reading of "Love Letters to Darth Spaghettierus (DarthSpaghetti)," had it not been for his appendix, in a desperate attempt at saving life and civilization, decided to sacrifice itself by bursting so hard it blew his body bits. I'll let you picture that.

The worst content of all died along with its creator, Olivia Rooney, in the destruction of the world.

Railgun smiled slowly. This was not for effect as much as it was for remembering the muscle movements. He had had a terribly therapeutic yell at his prisoners and was now feeling terribly relaxed and was ready for some callousness.

The prisoners sat in Poetry Appreciation chairs- strapped in. The Jokes topic suffered many illusions to what regard their memes were held in. Their memes were often reviled, but somehow "#wehavedankermemes."

The sweat stood out cold on Dilara's brow and slid around the electrodes attached to her head. This type of shit was always bad, but this time, a crowd had gathered. Public humiliation and torture was always a must see.

Those electrodes were attached to multiple electronic devices, such as a large screen to show the memes, reaction amplifiers so that they could hear the crowd laughing loud and clear, headphones with earrape versions of shitty hip-hop (that was actually the most tolerable part), all designed to enhance the experience and make sure not one detail was lost on them.

Miles Edgeworth sat and quivered. He didn't know what he was in for, but he did know he hadn't liked anything that had happened today, and that likely wasn't going to change.

Railgun began showing off their latest hot pile of shit. An image of a baby with a fist and a triumphant look, with the caption "Looked up dank memes, found minions memes." Spasms went all throughout Dilara's body; this was a lot worse than what she had prepared for. All the while the crowd snickered, or as they put it "OMG I CAN'T BREATHE" followed by a whole fucking lot of emojis.

Railgun decided to alternative between shitty pictures and shitty text. His next showcase was a fun little passage about the wonders and his love of racism. "If you have a problem with that, well you can go talk to the KKK."

"AAAAAAAAAAAA" Dilara yelled as lumps of pain went through her head. She could dimly see Miles rolling and lolling in his seat. She clenched her teeth.

This didn't even have a specific topic. It was just a meandering mess of bullshit. "I wanna stick my Willy Wonka in your Chocolate Factory" Railgun mercilessly continued.

His voice was reaching a horrible pitch of passion. "y OU CAN WEAR MY S W E A T S H I R T; so I can read an ode to a piece of putty under my armpit." The crowd was "DYING😂😂" and couldn't take any more, but there was still more in store for the prisoners.

The ritual took another turn in terms of content. It was "poetry night" and Railgun was up to show off his haiku.

"Haikus are three lines
Five syllables, seven, five
This is a haiku."

That brought a tear to everyone's eyes.

Railgun had saved some of the worst for last. "Are you turbotax, because I want to put my d intuit."

Railgun prepared to deal the finishing blow, the line that would bring a climax to the prisoners’ suffering, the rotten cherry on top of the assraping with a flaming cactus that was this display. The final portion of the show was just this:

“I am the man.
I see the can.
Memes is Pepe.
I have to go Pee Pee.”

“AAAAAAAAHHHH FUCKING HELL!” cried out Dilara as the electronic enhancements caught her full on right in the temple. She went limp.

Miles lolled.

“Now!” Railgun croaked, “I present you a simple choice! Die in the vacuum of space or,” he paused for effect, “tell me how good that was!”

He threw himself backwards into a chair and did the smile again.

Dilara was rasping for breath. She rolled her dusty tongue around her parched mouth and moaned.

Miles said brightly “LMAO!!!!1! So funny!!!1 xD”

Dilara turned and gaped. This was an approach that had me occurred to her before.

Railgun raised an eyebrow that covered a significant portion of his face and was therefore not a bad thing at all.

“Oh good…” Railgun rasped in considerable astonishment.

“Especially the one about the image about fake cuts, hoOOoOooOooo good shit👌✔💯."

Dilara was still gazing at Miles, organizing her thoughts for this completely new approach. Were they really going to try to bullshit their way through this?

“Yes, do continue…” invited the Jokes topic member.

“Oh… and, uh… that one about minions and Facebook,” Miles continued, “which really describes ... er...er” he floundered.

Dilara came to the rescue. “...this fucking worthless younger generation and their...er…” Dilara floundered too, but Miles was ready.

“...fixation with their little phones”-Miles felt that he was on the homestretch now- “and how even if you're mean you just them to be good and for you to be loved, but you can't because all their love is for fictional characters and bands. Really gives profound insights into life today and...uh…” Miles had been on a roll, but then he fucking fell off. Dilara jumped with with the big save.

“Whatever the fuck that was even about in the first place!” Out of the corner of her mouth she said “Well done Miles that was some good👀shit✔if I do say💯so myself👌.”

Railgun perused them. For a minute there, he had been touched; the second time that had happened in his life (courtesy of his dear dear uncle). But no, it was too late now. His voice took on the sound of one of BTK’S victims (you don't want to know what that’s like).

“So you're saying that I make memes because I want to distract myself from this living fucking hell I’m in right now?” he said. “Is that right?”

Dilara laughed a spineless laugh. “Uh, I mean yes, er, don't we all?”

Railgun stood up.

“W R O N G. Depressed people are attention whores. I'm going to kill you anyways. GUARD! Take the prisoners to airlock 3 and throw them out!”