The Hitchhiker's Guide to General Nonsense

Chapter 12

"What?" Dilara shouted. A THICC young guard yanked them out of their chairs with his huge blubbery arms.

"You can't throw us into space!" Dilara shouted. "We're trying to write smut!"

"RESISTANCE IS USELESS!" was the response Dilara got from the guard. Those had been the first words he had learned when he joined the Corps.

Railgun watched with a detached amusement and looked away.

Miles stared around him wildly.

"I don't want to die now!" He yelled. "I want to stop living but I don't want to die! Why can't there just be a compromise or something!"

The guard grabbed both of them by the neck and, bowing to his captain, walked out of the room. A steel door closed behind him and the captain was on his own again. He hummed quietly and hummed to himself, fingering his book of memes and furry porn.

After reading over some of the things they had said. He closed the book and with a grim smile said "Death's too good for them."

The long steel-lined corridors echoed with the feeble struggles of the humanoids firmly clamped under the guard's armpits.

"This is great," Miles sputtered. "This is fucking terrific. LET GO OF ME BITCH!"

The guard dragged them on.

"Don't you worry." Dilara said. "I'll think of something." She wouldn't though, because this was the death that she had been wanting for years now.

"🅱ESIST🅰NCE IS USELESS!" bellowed the guard.

"Just don't say shit like that," Dilara stammered, "you just have to think P O S I T I V E." The last part sounded almost sarcastic.

"Fucking hell," Miles complained, "you talk about thinking positive but you haven't even had your planet demolished today. I woke up and thought that I would just have a nice day, play some Yugioh, shove a hairbrush into my dick... It's 4 in the afternoon and I have already been thrown out of an alien spaceship 6 light years away from the smoking remains of the Earth and everyone and everything I fucking love!" He did Pink Guy noise as the guard tightened his grip on them.

Dilara gave one of the most placating responses imaginable. "Alright, just stop panicking."

"Oh, you think this is panicking?" Miles snapped. "Just wait until I get my bearings. Then you'll see panicking."

Dilara muttered "honestly same" under her breath, but she forged on. "Miles, you're getting hysterical. Shut up!" She tried desperately to think, but she was interrupted by the guard's yelling.

"RESISTANCE IS USELESS!"

Even Dilara was startibg to feel a bit of the panic. "And you shut up as well!"

"Reezistenss iz yooslis!"

"Just stop" Dilara said. She twisted herself until she was looking directly at her captor. A thought struck her.

"Do you really enjoy this?" she asked.

The guard stopped dead and a look of immense stupidity seeped onto his face."What do you mean, enjoy?"

"Do you really get a satisfying experience out of all this running around, shouting, throwing people out?"

The guard stared up at the ceiling and his mouth slacked. "Well, the hours are good..."

"They'd have to be," Dilara agreed.

Miles twisted his head around to look at Dilara.

"What are you doing?" he said in an amazed whisper.