Fight For Me

Fight For Me~Chapter 1.

The small hospital room's smell changed everyday. Sometimes the death all around me feels like it's filling up to the surface. Like I'm drowning in it and I'll be the next person to join them.

I glance at all the flowers surrounding my bed. People actually care that I'm dying? That's a surprise. I reach my arm out, trying to pull my phone off the beside table next to me. Damn I can't reach it!

I grunt before my mom walks into the room. "How are you feeling?" She asks. I ignore the question. "Why are you here?" I question, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I just wanted to check on you.." she pauses. "Go back to work Mom." I say. She exits the room, frustrated with my attitude.

I lower my gaze to the woven bracelet I have on my wrist. It's slowly falling apart, just like me.

I pull on the strings a little, making it even looser, it'll unravel soon, just like me dying. I've been in this stupid hospital way too long.

I want to go back home. I want to be in my room. I want to see my dog. But I know all of that will never happen. Before I came here I thought that everyone in a hospital was hopeful. Maybe that's everyone except me.

I lost my hope two months ago, they said I could leave. I never left because I'm still under critical condition. I wished I could leave until this place became my home, and I lost all hope for not dying.

I pick at the bracelet again, I slowly unravel it until it's just a couple pieces of string. I throw it onto the ground. Then I realize I have another bracelet on my other wrist. I groan before fingering at the second bracelet but this bracelet isn't meant to die.

It's meant to stay here, on my wrist. For a split second I feel a spark of hope flow through me, but it fades when I realize this is reality.

I wipe my eyes, expecting tears to flow out, but nothing happens. I grab a flower bouquet and pull out a rose.

It's a really pretty rose. It reminds me of Rose, my old best friend. She doesn't talk to me anymore. She found out all my secrets. I pluck all the petals off the rose in my hands. That's for you rose. That's for you.

I throw it back into the bouquet. I wipe a single tear from my cheek, then I pull out my favourite book. The one I have been reading for the whole time I've been here.

I flip through the hopeless pages. I trace my fingers along the words but I find nothing happy about this book. I want to be happy, I want to have hope too. But this is life and in life, sometimes, there is nothing that can stop us from our future. My future will be in a coffin.

I want my ashes to be spread all over the world so that I can be everywhere at the same time. That would be cool.

I slam the book shut. The bad feelings are closed away. But I still feel them. I don't know why the most hopeless depressing book in the world is my favourite book. I don't throw it on the ground because it's my favourite book, I gently place it on the nightstand.

The words from the cover dance into my mind. Now I can't focus on anything, not even the television in front of me.

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Written: February 15th 2017.