Armament

Chapter 6 - Blur

Evanel tells me that my testing is cancelled that day due to my fainting so after lounging around in the Rec room with Colin for the rest of the day I head back to my room to get some rest before my operation tomorrow. Colin bid me good luck but didn't really seem that happy that I was having the operation in the first place.

I step into my room, leaving Evanel in the corridor. My room is tiny: I have a bed and a small desk and chair crammed into the corner. The bathroom attached is just as small with a toilet, sink and shower all somehow cramped into the room. At least I have my own bathroom, even if I don't use it. Until now at least.

What Evanel said about needing to wash myself is true. I want the tube but there's no point getting it if it's just going to get infected. I make a dash to the bathroom, not wanting to back out and go to sleep instead. I snatch a face cloth from the radiator and sit on the toilet seat. I strip my clothes off and put them to the side, not bothering to fold them.

I shakily turn the faucet on, warm water sputtering out. I figure that it'll be easier to wash myself if the water isn't cold like it was in...like it was in there. I put the face cloth under the water, impulsively dropping it when the water hits my fingers. Just putting my fingers under the water doesn't scare me, it just sends uncomfortable shivers up my arm. I can handle that. So, I pick the cloth up again.

I ignore my goose bumps and wipe it along my armpits, squeezing my eyes shut as water dribbles down my sides. I wipe the grime from my body and finally decide to grab a bar of soap, lathering my skin to rid my body of its smell. I wash what little hair I have with some water and after doing this without throwing up I decide to risk putting my head under the faucet.

The water runs over my head as I try to massage all the dirt out from the past few days, it's not pleasant but it's not—my nostrils suddenly fill with water and I can't breathe. I try to pull my head away but it collides with the faucet before I fall to the ground. I claw at my chest as I try to blow the water from my nose, coughing relentlessly.

I can breathe again and the water is gone. My heart is pounding in my chest and I have to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I wasn't drowning, the water just ran up my nose. I'm fine. I'm not going to drown from washing my hair and I'm not going to drown in a swimming pool because I can swim. The only reason I drowned in there was because it kept—it kept filling up. Pools and sinks and showers don't do that.

My body suddenly feels too heavy and weak to wash any longer so I'm quick to dry myself off. I climb back into my cool clothes, glad that my bedroom is warm. I shut the bathroom door behind me to ward off the chill from inside it. It takes moments for me to pass out when my body curls up onto the springy mattress.

Evanel wakes me up pretty early as my operation is at nine and apparently, I need to be briefed beforehand. He still seems annoyed that I'm deciding to do this even though he's acting exactly the same as usual. Maybe I'm just paranoid about him being annoyed at me. I don't have many people to talk to here and if he's annoyed at me that means I only have Colin. I don't have my mu to talk to, I never see her.

"Can I see my mum after the operation?" I ask quietly as we walk towards the elevator.

He glances down at me, a small smile on his face as if he can sense my hesitation, "I'll request for her to see you, but she might only be able to see you for a few minutes – she's pretty busy today."

"She's always busy," I mutter, stepping into the elevator with him.

He presses the button for our floor, "She'll probably make time for you eventually. Her job is time consuming but she has breaks sometimes."