My Fear (Eric Divergent Fanfic)

Chapter 55

We head outside the compound and we start climbing up the wall until we reach the top level--I hope Phoenix isn't afraid of heights.

"You want to help me and spread the ashes, buddy? I think she would've liked that." Eric asks Phoenix.

Phoenix nods his head. "Yeah."

Eric hands him the urn and we all watch as Audrey's ashes fly over it.

I stand at the railing, my hand gripping the cold silver as I watch her ashes blow in the wind until I no longer have a visual. She was gone. Actually gone.

I look at Eric. "You okay?" I mumble.

"I will be." His voice firm like he was trying to convince himself.

I nod my head and pull Phoenix closer to me as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"Why did only I get to meet her?" Phoenix looks up at the both of us.

I look at Eric; this wasn't my place to answer.

"You know how we told you when you were younger that you had a different birth mommy?" Eric asks bending down slightly to face him.

Phoenix's eyes get wide. "Mhm," he hums.

"That was her." Eric frowns.

Phoenix starts to breath heavy and he looks around. "But-But you told me she was dead!"

"Phoenix, you saw her, who she really was, was dead and gone a long time ago." A tear slide down Eric's face and he turned away from Phoenix.

"You killed her," he looks at Eric and then looks up at me, his eyes hurt.

"I loved her. I never meant to kill her, Phoenix." Eric's voice actually pleading.

He runs his hand along his cast. It's silent for a minute, he looks up at Eric. "It's okay Daddy."

Eric hugs Phoenix tightly.

"Do you want to say something?" I look to Eric.

"She knows. I don't have to say anything." He looks to Phoenix. "Do you want to?"

Phoenix reluctantly shakes his head.

"Let's go home," I say in a light whisper.

Eric nods and places an arm around Phoenix. We head down off the wall and back in the Dauntless compound. When we arrive at the apartment I thank Robert for watching the kids and he leaves. Phoenix runs off to play with Eli and Eric and I are left in the privacy of the kitchen as I begin to make sandwiches.

I put my hand on Eric's back. "You feel okay?"

He rubs his face with his hands. "I'm going to get there. It's just a matter of when."

"Everything will work out," I rub his back.

"I was the one who did it. I caused the entire thing."

"Eric, stop. You can't keep blaming yourself. She was sick. What if she hurt or killed Phoenix? Would you of rather that happened?"

"Are you kidding me? I would die for my kids." He growls. "I killed her for him- to protect him."

"I know you would," I shoot him a glare. "That's what I love about you."

"Would you do the same if it was me? Kill Peter? How would you cope?"

"I would," I don't even have to think of it. "I would kill Peter in an instant if he was hurting our children. I don't know how I would cope, I would just keep telling myself I did the right thing. And you did."