.:'*':.Eddsworld and Off Oneshots .:'*':.

.*-*. Batterie: Just You and I .*-*.

A tallish man donning a striped baseball jersey took a swing on a quite disturbing being, one with crooked teeth and dull, blank eyes.  Unbeknownst to him, an onlookers  eyes shot imaginary daggers through the back of his skull as he boarded his pedalo once more.  It's such a lucrative task, the being known as, 'the Batter', noted.  Red, meaty water splashed up the sides of the duck-swan boat as the Batter climbed aboard,  stuffing his long legs into the cramped space provided. 

"Ah, wait, mister!" a rather odd boy with slick, black hair enunciated beneath an, even stranger, mask.  Sharply, the Batter turned around on the pedalo with just enough time to catch his, newly wet, hat. 

"Do you want me to purify you?" he spoke stoically.

"Nononono, that's not what I was implying.  Why, in fact, I was just wondering if you needed new equipment.  Ugh, the green walls make me sick,,," the other being known as, 'Zacharie', mumbled. 

"How about another time, if we ever meet again."  His voice was flat and uneventful. 

"Ah, but please, I insist!! You must sir! Unless you'd agree to handing in your life to the vicious and vicarious enemies you may encounter," Zacharie taunted.

"Fine," his lifeless expression never lifted, not even when he  was certain that he had just bought the same bat not more than a few minutes ago, just under a different name.  The Batter clambered onto the pedalo once more, and sped off through the conflicting color scheme of Zone 1.

Meet again, ugh, how boring is that? Zacharie inquired, head in his hands as he lie across the flat, smooth, and fragmentary plastic surface that they had all referred to as 'land'.  His feet kicked back and forth as the pedalo carrying away his definition of beauty faded into the waterfalls of meat.  Lamely, his eyes fluttered from his wares to the direction he'd been eyeing for the last hour.  Just an hour ago, there'd've been an attractive male just inches away from his face. 

"I,,, have to follow him...  To make sure he's alright, of course," trying to conduct himself in a non-homosexual way due to the countless elsen that had gathered around the general area.  With that, Zacharie sprinted off, found the nearest pedalo return spot, and went in pursuit of his newfound obsession.

He encountered creatures and monsters alike, for they showed him no mercy, not even for an, almost innocent, merchant.  At last, Zacharie took one more sharp turn, gliding like a sleek catfish through a babbling stream, and entered The Room.  Blood.  Lots, and lots, of blood.  The crimson liquid seemed to ooze out of the walls, rise up from the floor, and fill his lungs with metallic stench. A single ray of light shone through a narrow opening of a heavy, black door.

"this is... it."

"Adversaries purified."

Zacharie listened in intensely, eyeing his left, and then right, making precise blinks in between. He opened his mouth, like a gaping koi, but then promptly closed it just as tip of his tongue made contact with the soft flesh to its upper left. 'Should I?' his head's inner voice rang out within his quivering form. 'Ye-yea, that sounds,,, alright.'

Lackadaisically, his fingers ran against the edge of the slab on hinges, and indifferently pulled it towards himself.

Teeth. Blank, solid white eyes. Wine-red lust dreamily crowding his mind. What had happened to his, his, Batter-??

"Certainly, this isn't the same God I'd met along the silken road in Zone 1?" Zacharie inquired.

Silence.

"Certainly, not the same hero who bestowed the Queen's kingdom with hope and resilience?" Zacharie's voice broke in between morose half-hearted chuckles.

silence.

"Certainly- C- Certainly, this is not the same being I'd've given my very, last, aching breath to-?" Zacharie's enunciation faded, leaving him on his knees, sobbing for just a single word to be spoken as the rusty, pungent fumes managed to labor his breathing.

...silence.

Zacharie crawled to the leg of the being he used to know as, the Batter.  It's appalling, blank, soulless eyes stared not at Zacharie, but at a peculiar switch placed upon the barren wall.  It lankily sauntered over to the switch, and with one single, unambiguous stroke, the switch jolted downwards.

Silence.

The world turned pitch black, and before his mind went black and numb as well, he managed to pronounce one, last sentence.  "Looks like it is certainly, just you, and I."

(orangefaygo suggested I do batterie fluff,,, well looks like I managed making angst??? It could've been executed a lot better,  but I just needed something to post, haha.)