Reality Checks // WARNING VERY DEEP AND DARK

A Meaningful Thought // Dramatic

NOTE: Reasons and other things will not be mentioned due to my own privacy

Last year in 2016, was probably my least favorite year.  I missed two weeks of school.  In the fucking hospital.  I talked to the counselor at my school right after it let out, and a police came.

After I had met with the counselor, my language arts teacher and I moved to another office where we waited for the police.  My teacher shared me some of her poems, and I listened to them catching every word that came out of her mouth.  She told me what she went through and how she got through it.  She didn't pity me, she helped me.  I don't think I could ever thank her more.  

I remember that I was sobbing uncontrollably, and my language arts teacher who was nice enough to be there with me, rubbed my back, and told me it was going to be ok.  I told the police everything, until my teacher was told to leave so I could talk in private.  They left me there for a bit because I had to write a bunch of stuff that was going on in paper.  My parents were contacted, and the police took me to a hospital.  I spent a couple hours there.  

I think the worst feeling I had was apparently when my dad went to the hospital I was at, and asked a doctor if he could see me.  I had said no.  I was too scared.  Too scared to face my problem.  Just writing this makes me teary.  It was horrible.  I felt as if I had ruined my life, I had felt like my parents were furious.  I couldn't face them.  So, when I was told that I would have a video conference with someone to deal with kids "like me", they said that he would talk to my dad.  When they told me, they left me in the room to watch TV, and I was shuddering inside.  

I felt a bottomless pit drop inside of my body.  I felt trapped.  Like, nothing would happen.  I kept to myself during my video conference...

Soon that night, another police came in and told me that they found another hospital to put me in.  I was loaded into an ambulance, and that's when I had my first anxiety attack.  It wasn't horrid.

My leg would NOT stop shaking, my body was hot, my heart felt horrible, and I was breathing pretty fast.  I hated the ride to the new hospital. When we got there, I was put into scrubs that didn't fit me, and I went to an enclosed room.  I had almost fallen asleep until they sent me to another room.  I slept like a baby.  The next morning, they did checkups and I had ordered breakfast.  I ate, watched tv the entire day.  Literally nothing else.  And, I had to stay in the freaking bed. (Not as great as it seems.)

I went to bed at night, and they awoke me in the morning.  I went through the same routine, but this time, I was told that they found a placement for me to stay at.  So, after dinner time, I was transferred to another hospital where a bunch of other kids were.

I'm going to leave it at that.  I will continue this story later, but I need some time to process what I just wrote.  Please do NOT pity me, and tell me what you think.  This is real, and I am not faking any of this.