Again

Ch.4

Day before leaving for Eckerd

It's been a couple days since Jack broke up with me and I'm lost. Honestly I don't know what to do anymore. It's hard to breath and I feel like I'm dying. Ok I know it sounds over dramatic but it's true. It's like I lost a part of myself. I have to go to Florida tomorrow and I've barely even packed. How could I leave like this? I don't want to go to Eckerd with all this baggage.

Then I won't. I thought. I don't need jack. I'll be fine. I can handle this and I can move forward. I'm leaving him and everyone else behind and starting my own life now. No one can tell me what to do now. It's all me from now on. I have to pack, I have to get out of here. now.
I began packing in a frenzy. This sudden burst of anger and energy was fueling me and it would drive me to the ends of the earth if I'd let it.
After about 2 and a half hours I had all my clothes, toiletries, makeup, technology, and other necessities packed up and ready to go. I slammed my last suitcase shut and headed out the door clutching most of my bags and suitcases. I threw them in my jeep and headed back up to get the rest.

"Alana?" My mom asked with concern in her voice.

"Hey mom..." I mumbled as I ran up the stairs determined to leave asap.

"What are you doing?" She hesitated.

"Well mom I'm leaving. " I said matter-of-factly.

"Honey your room isn't set up yet. " my mom replied.

"Wha... what?" I said with tears welling up in my eyes. Nothing seemed to be working for me here lately.

"Remember how we paid to have your bed and desk set up?" She asked sweetly.

"Yeah." I said frustrated.

"Well they aren't quite done yet so your going to have to wait."

"Oh ok." I answered.

Wow that sucks. But I know I can't stay here any longer. I can't stand to stay in this house. I can barely stand new jeresey any more because everything reminds me of him. I won't dare to speak his name anymore. And that's a promise.

You know I'm such a poster child, all I ever do is sports, school, clubs, volunteer. I need to do something new.
About 20 minutes later I arrived to the small skate shop. Confiskated. It said.
I walked in and there were two guys, both had dreadlocks and were wearing tie dye shirts. These are the kind of people my mom frowns upon.

"Hi!" I chimed cheerfully.

"Aye what can I do ya for?" The younger boy spoke up.

"Well I want to start skating but I don't really know how or anything." I replied feeling a little dumb.

"Ahhh a newby. Nice. Well guess we'll start you off with a regular skateboard?" He said/asked.

20 minutes later I walked out with a board, skate shoes, and a vintage looking tie dye shirt. I'll learn, I know I will. It's time for a change. Not yet, but as soon as I pass the NJ border I will not be known as Alana the goody two shoes. It's time to be known as Alana the adrenaline junky-hippie vibe- open to try new things- girl. It's time for some change.

The next day

I woke up in my jeep. I was in the parking lot of my favorite store,where I got most of my clothes. I just couldn't go home last night but today's a new day. I'll go say goodbye to my family and head to Florida.

I checked my phone and it was only 6:45. Wow that's early! Oh well I better get an early start anyway, I have a long drive.

I decided to go ahead and check my social media. There were a couple new insta posts from people who arrived at college. There were several snap stories. The first one I noticed was his.
I hesitated for a while with my thumb above his name. Finally when I clicked it my stomach dropped. It was a picture of him and my best friend Layla kissing.

"WHAT?!" I screamed.

I wasn't going to cry this time. Neither of them deserved my tears. They deserved a broken neck. How could the love of my life break up with me for my best friend. That's why he broke up with me, not because I was moving away. And how on earth could my Best friend do this to me. She knew how much I loved him

"She knew." I mumbled as my voice cracked. A tear slipped out of my eye and I violently swiped it off.

"I will not cry for them!" I yelled.

I sped up and weaved through lanes, I was going to Layla's. That's where the picture was taken so I figure their still there. I pulled into her driveway, slammed on the breaks and marched up to the door not bothering to turn off the engine. I pounded loudly on the door and was welcomed by her brother.

"Hey Alana!" He said.

"Is your sister here?!" I almost yelled.

"Upstairs" he stated with a glint of concern in his eyes.

I stormed up stairs and threw her door open. Sure enough her and Jack were laying on her bed trying to get her shirt off.

"Alana?" They asked in sync.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I screamed.

"DID YOU THINK I WOULDNT FIND OUT? FUCK YOU GUYS." I screamed again.

I could feel the anger well up within me. I couldn't control myself anymore.

"How could you? The love of my life and my best friend? Why?" I asked this time my voice low.

"A-alana it's not what it looks like." Layla said

"Bull shit" I spat

"Well what did you expect to happen?" Jack said, raising his voice as he stood up. He walked over to me and got up in my face.

"Are you kidding me?!" I yelled.

"What did you think I was going to do? Throw a party when I found out?!" I asked.

"Alana! I'm sorry, but I love her!" He said getting closer to me.

I pushed him and he stumbled backwards. How dare he say he loves someone else already. It'll take my whole life to get over him. Apparently it only took him a day.

I only needed to know one more thing before I left.

"Were you guys fucking?"

"Alana." Layla said sternly.

"Shut the fuck up!" I shouted.
"WERE YOU?!" I lost my patience and I wasn't asking her I was asking him.

"YES OK! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR?!" Jack yelled.

I began to cry but it was controllable. Tears fell but I could still talk.

"Fuck you. I hope you guys are happy! I loved you with all of my heart! And you! You were my best friend. I guess now I have no one. Never talk to me again. Never."

With that I turned away and walked out the door. I wasn't going to sit there and listen to them. I couldn't believe it. Unbelievable. I drove home and gathered myself for the goodbyes I had to say.

I hugged my family, said goodbye, and left. No more secrets, no more bullshit. I'm starting my life now.