Slam

when i became my safe pleace

  I wanna wake up one day to notice safety is my own body.
That the definition of home is myself, and my own crooked bones, and my sappy smile when I read a novel, and the freckles, and every little slash of fat I was told I should burn.
I wanna wake up and know that the only thing I need to push my car through the street is the beating of my heart.
That my reason to get up is that I'm pretty hungry and I want some orange juice.
I wanna wake up and realise how fucking cool it is to be able to stretch my limbs in a big bed instead of making a sad face because I slept just on one side because I was hoping maybe you'd magically appear beside me over night and now it's cold without you there.
I don't want you to be the reason I wake up everyday.
Do you think the sun only rises if they're dating someone? Why should I?
Why can't I rise just to shine, like any other star?
I want to discover that my place in the world is my head, the same head I spent years trying to run away from because it pickled so harsh inside my skull I thought I might rip it out.
I want to realise that my skin fits me better than any other clothes and that I'm not uncomfortable in my feet anymore.
I want to be the love of my life. Yes. I want to be love.
When everything is shattering to pieces and the sky is falling down and there's nothing in the fridge no matter how many times you close the door and open it again, I want to be sure that I am gonna be here for me. That I have my back no matter what.
If I played the trust game with myself, I wonder if I'd let me fall.
I want to know I don't need anyone else's approval because I am going to tell myself that I look fucking flawless everyday when I pass through the mirror.
I want to give myself gifts and treat myself right, and I want people to stop feeling sorry for the people who are alone because after 14 years of looking for my better half let me just tell you;
I am no half of anything. I am a whole me. And I love myself for that.