Eternal Sleep [On Hold but Not Forgotten]

Mothers and Daughters

My mother gently shoved me aside to sit next to me on my bed. I felt ridiculous as she ran her fingers through my hair as though she'd known me all my life and had come to ease me back to sleep after some awful nightmare. My mother was my nightmare; this was surely a trick she'd come to play with me.

"My mother?"

"Yes, child," she whispered. "I'm sure it's hard for you to believe, save for the fact that your resemblance to me is undeniably sound. Perhaps you'd like for me to tell you the story of how some other woman came to claim you as her child?"

I nodded. She was right, it was hard for me to believe she was truly my mother; yet, I knew she was right. There was no denying a truth so obvious and terrible as this. It would be best if I just allowed for her to tell me the story and to sate my hunger for answers now.

"Well, you see, I am what is called a daemon--you've heard of those, no doubt?"

I turned to her to acknowledge what she'd said. I felt my gut pitch forward in dismay. If she were not now holding me in her arms like some forgotten treasure, I would have leapt screeching from the house to dash myself against the rocks in the river. I was one of her kind. It was a fate worse than Death.

"I see you're not happy to hear of your lineage. I hope that someday you'll feel otherwise--it isn't so bad to be one of our kind. We're merely painted poorly by human culture. Anyway, let's just say that your father had gotten drunk one night and decided he wanted a child. He summoned me--Lilith--and asked that I bear him a child. I obliged him in exchange for certain payment."

"What payment was that?"

She smiled and inclined her head.

"That I could help raise the child. I'd always wanted to be a mother; this was the perfect opportunity to have a little boy or little girl to raise among both species and bridge the gap between us. I felt that I was being diplomatic by choosing to have a child, but I soon learned that humans are ultimately greedy and arbitrary."

I frowned.

"I take it that when the time came for you to come to my party and help raise me, my father refused, right? Sent soldiers to the door to keep you out in the hopes that his wife could help raise me instead?"

Lilith laughed.

"I'm glad to see you inherited my intelligence in favor of his."

I tried to crack a smile, but it ultimately faltered in the face of a grim visage that betrayed my ultimate understanding. This woman was still going to put me into an eternal sleep; I realized the gravity of what she said.

"Mom, can I die?"

Her face fell.

"...Not by traditional methods, no..."

"So, you're saying that my eternal sleep would actually be... eternal? Like, I would just be living in a dream for hundreds and hundreds of years when no one's fallen in love with me? When I've not fallen in love with anyone? How am I supposed to wake up from that?" I stuttered.

I didn't understand why I would share my fears with this creature--she was going to punish me at the behest of my father's foolishness. It wasn't my fault that he'd excluded her from my childhood. I wondered if she might've changed her mind had he not hidden me in the woods to be raised by the Faeries.

"Unfortunately, yes, but you haven't let me explain why this might be in your better interest. Would you like me to share and perhaps assuage your fears?"

I dipped my head--the strength to nod had left me in favor for an icy dread that consumed my body. This was like being told how the murderer was going to kill you before ultimately being put to death in the same gruesome manner, or otherwise if you'd fallen into the hands of a deceiver. I hoped she was at least honest.

"So you're caught up on the 'true love' part, no?"

"I just don't understand how I'm supposed to fall in love while I'm asleep."

"That's just the thing--you can fall in love while you're asleep. And you may want to do it that way. Should I share with you what would happen if I let you stay awake? I'll return to the 'falling in love while you're asleep' part in a moment. Who's to say that, if I let you stay awake, your father won't storm down here later today to sweep you off to the castle? Because that's surely on his list of things to do."

I smiled.

"I wouldn't smile. Because, knowing your father, he has other plans. You're a young, beautiful girl who could meld kingdoms together and expand his empire; he has been looking to conquer lately, has he not?"

"Yes, he converged on Lyrla yesterday."

"Precisely. So, who's to say that he doesn't have countless princes of conquered or soon-to-be conquered kingdoms in mind to court his daughter-if he even has them court you. I believe that, for princesses your age, arranged marriages are the normality. Furthermore, you would have duties like wearing gowns much more restrictive than what you know; you would have to bear children and sit idly by while your husband takes on secret lovers and concubines; all the while, you'll have to remain loyal for fear of the kingdom taking your head."

A subtle fury had begun to boil within the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe that I hadn't foreseen this. Of course they would make me be a proper princess and force me to marry some imbecile who would forsake me--take me for granted and chase prettier women than myself.

"And how would I fall in love while I'm asleep?"

"Well, you're a daemon, are you not? I know you haven't dreamed yet, but when I put you to sleep, I'll also remove the hold I've placed upon your powers. Once those have been released, you'll be free to dream... One of the benefits of daemon-hood is the ability to see the world as though you're living from the safety of your dreams. It's called Traumwanderung--'Dream Walking'. You'll be a natural to it, of course. No lessons on it necessary-magic is genetics to our kind."

"So, I could go find my true love in my sleep?"

"Yes, and best of all, I could help you. I wanted to raise you and help you anyhow; I could not bear the thought of letting you fall to such a terrible fate--I just couldn't do it," she lamented.

"And how do I know you're telling the truth?"

Lilith put her hand to mine and squeezed it. Her silver eyes stared deep into mine--identical mirrors spiraling off into eternity as she gazed deep into my soul. The sincerity of her stare was enough to convince me; what other choice did I have? This was my Fate, after all.

I held my finger just above the spinning wheel. I had no choice. It was time to greet the sleeping world.