Eternal Sleep [On Hold but Not Forgotten]

Failure

The large stag had been sauntering aimlessly in the woods for hours now and I was growing weary. Despite being in Traumwanderung form, I found this particular part of my journey equally as wearing on the soul as a regular journey could be on a waking person. Could you sleep while sleeping? That was a dumb question: of course not. Or... was it a dumb question? I made a point to ask Phillip about "sleeping" while asleep once I found him again.

I swallowed. If I found him again. My careless foolishness had practically cost us our entire scheme and now Lilith was leagues farther ahead of us than where she had been when this whole mess started. Why had I pricked my finger? Why hadn't I fought Lilith and made a name for myself from the start?

Don't believe strangers.

How had I let such a simple lesson slip past me? Why had I felt obligated to do anything that was "set forth by Fate". Wasn't it my choices that ultimately determined how the dice fell and where I ended up?

I flipped through the tree branches like the battered pages of lost books and took in the smell of the natural library all around. The silent words they spoke served a sanctuary from the real world of pain, confusion and the race against time. Had the darkness taken the kingdom yet? Had I failed to the point of ultimate severity that there was no hope?

Dying and coming back didn't sound feasible. Centuries, if not millennia, would have passed before I could have done anything about what was due to happen. The kingdom would long be gone, Phillip could forget about me... I couldn't bear to think how many children he might have had with Lilith by the time I got back. And that was the worst fear I had. They would be my step-siblings. Fathered by my own fiancé. Who would be the husband to my mother were I not to step in and stop the madness.

And where was I? Following after freaking frolicking animals in the woods that "wanted me to follow them". What kind of ridiculousness was this? Was it going to serve any realistic purpose to get to wherever they were going? Or was this another scheme? She had an imp dress itself as her to fool me and it had worked. Now she was using deer, most assuredly. And the birds. How original, Mom.

"Where are you all going?"

The stag turned and perked its ears at me, but it turned back to its journey before I could search its expression for clues.

Now you're trying to read deer emotions. Way to go, Aurora. Way to go. That's an excellent thing to do.

Returning my thoughts to the twining leaves and broken rays of sunshine pouring through the tree tops, I smiled. There was nothing I could do to hide the enjoyment I was getting out of wandering through these woods. The smell of juniper berries set my lungs and soul alight with familiarity, comfort and sensuous pleasure. I used to pick those and dress my room with them for decorative illusion. To put off the negative thoughts that my time awake was limited and that my life was doomed to be wasted in an eternal slumber.

How melodramatic could I have possibly been? To have just accepted such an idea as truth from the beginning? I had been swayed so easily by Lilith, Phillip, my father... why did I believe things so easily and throw my trust at people with little more care than I would with my dirty laundry.

I wondered if the faeries missed me. I missed them for their tiny figures flitting about the home and patching up every wound and stitching every patch that could go awry in my throw-together wardrobe. Despite never looking like a princess, they always made me feel like one—a proper one... as proper as you could get being stuffed away in a cottage in the woods.

One of the little birds began to tug at my finger with frantic delight, as though to push me just further and assure me that "there's something waiting". A "surprise". Well, Lilith wouldn't be a surprise at this point, but I would play to her whims if that was what she wanted. That was all I was good for. The girl stuck so high up in the clouds of her thoughts that she would trust anything pretty and anything that smiled at her.

"Would you like me to sing for you, little friend?"

I was not a stranger to serenading the birds and the village boys... all of whom were Phillip apparently. I stifled a laugh at the thought of his jealousy extending to the point where he would become every potential love interest I could ever have. He really had loved me this whole time, even if I had just gotten to know him. What a card. What a handsome, ridiculous card he was. I had found myself with a royal flush, indeed. If only I could secure my own hand so that I could give it to him.

The little birds tweeted in unison as I let my thoughts take to the seas of my inner contemplations. Song burst forth from my lips in nonsensical, lyrical rays and they followed me dutifully unto the end of our little jaunt through the forest. To where we were going remained the eternal mystery. But I didn't care at this point. What was the fun in spoiling an ending before you got to it? I certainly had nothing better to do. I was doomed. I had doomed us all and the madness was setting deep within my head and heart. The singing became more frantic as I stumbled to the ground, cutting the crazed concert to a halt. The birds seemed greatly concerned as they all came to my sides to help hoist me off the ground.

"There you are!"

Looking up, I breathed a screaming sigh of relief to see Phillip sitting astride Charger. He had found me. Or had he?

"Stay back!"

"What—Aurora! What ever has gotten into you? Where did you wander off to? How did you get so far from the castle?"

"Stop trying to fool me Lilith! I know it's you or one of your minions!"

Phillip groaned.

"She pulled that trick on you? Who did she imitate?"

"She had an imp imitate her and lead me out of the courtyard to try and keep me away! But you're her! I know it! I insulted her and dared her to come in person!"

A racking laugh broke through the distant trees.

"And so I have! Worry not, my dearest daughter. That is your Phillip. I will not lie," she said, revealing herself from between the twisted trees.

"I knew you were both trying to fool me. What do you take me for? An amateur?"

Phillip and I scrambled to hoist me up onto Charger. He swung the horse to the side so that he would face Lilith himself and hide me from her wrath. He would not let me get hurt again, except I wasn't so keen on being shoved out of the way. This was no way to treat a lady. The stag bounded off into the woods and the birds scattered. They had led me to Phillip. I wondered if he had sent them or if they just knew to bring me. But how could I focus on such things at a time like this? I was so bad at focusing, even for just a moment.

"What do you mean?" Phillip tried, with great failure bellowing from his lungs as our plan burst halfway through it's journey. Apparently it had never left the airport.

"Why all the illusions? Why not play the game in a way that helps us understand what you want. What do you want, Lilith?" I finally shouted. "First you help me, then you leave me, then you trick me... And now you're in this cycle of shades, covers and masks. You want my fiancé then you insult him. You send some imp to say that you committed adultery against my father so many years ago and then it all falls apart because you sent an imp rather than the real you. And, from what I gather, you don't want to marry Phillip either, do you?"

She nodded.

"Of course not! That's ridiculous child! I work on my own terms, anyway. I just came here to warn you that, since you think you can fool me like this, that I'll be arming my troops and preparing them to sack the kingdom and take it for their own. You'll fall within the hour."

"What?"

"Insolence is met with punishment, my friend. And... as for my goal... you shall soon see just what I mean and what I am about. And I can promise you it is nothing that you have ever considered or thought of. But why should I make this game easy?"

She whirled her black, jagged dress about her body and took up the form of the creature I had run from all this time. The raven. The raven had been Lilith the whole time. Any time she had been nearby, she had heard anything and everything we said. That was how she had figured out we were fooling her. She had seen enough to figure out we were lying. How could we have been so dumb? She would have seen us being romantic in the woods long before we reached the castle. And now she was angry and the kingdom would fall... within the hour.

I slammed my hands to my eyes and began to scream, tears flowing as angry rivers do in the spring monsoons. We had lost. And it was all my fault.