𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐍✔️

TWENTYONE|ALPHA

  IT'S ALL MY fault.

I should have been there. I should've protected her.

But I didn't. I couldn't.

I couldn't save her from her demons. No matter how fast I ran, I could never chase her darkness away. It would never leave her, even bathed in sunlight the nightmares still found her. And so there I sat, at my desk, head in my hands, wondering...Where do we go from here? Could we ever move forwards?

I had scared her, and somehow I doubted she could ever truly forgive me for that, but she'd tell me it was 'fine' because that was what she was conditioned to do. Even so, I didn't know if I could ever forgive myself.

The guilt crawled through my body like a parasite, pushing its way into my consciousness without bothering to wipe its feet first. The feeling was acrid and intense, balling itself like a fist in the pit of my stomach. It weighed heavy in my breaths, suffocating my chest, and for a while, I felt like I couldn't breathe. The guilt was crushing. A dagger straight to the heart. What had I done?

I should have been there. I should have stopped him, whoever he was. My fists curled. I should've killed him.

My wolf was restless, every fibre of his being crying out to mark her. In his mind, it was the only way to guarantee her safety, and in some ways, I couldn't help but agree. But still, after tonight there was the distinct possibility I'd pushed her away irreparably, if there was any slight chance of redemption I would not ruin it by forcing her into a bond she didn't want.

My heart clenched painfully at the thought of losing her. I wasn't sure I would be able to cope if she wanted nothing more to do with me after today.

A handful of letters arranged themselves in my mind, spelling out the very thing I'd known since the moment I first laid eyes on her.

I loved her. Unconditionally and irrevocably I loved her.

The realisation hit me like a ton of bricks. They fell from the sky, harsh rocks smashing against the harsher floor, destroying everything in their wake... And when the dust settled the reality of my situation could no longer be ignored.

I, Alpha Kaden of the Grey Winter pack, was completely and unconditionally in love with the small, fragile girl known as Arden.

Her vivid green eyes were my every waking thought, she was my everything.

So the fact that I wasn't there to protect her... It killed me. I wished I could have taken her place, that I could have been me instead. The guilt slowly ebbed into grief. Grief at the loss of her innocence. A loss that could have been prevented.

It was all my fault.

My wolf whimpered, he pined for the touch of our mate, to feel her soft skin against our own. Our dark colours suffocating her pure white ones. A beautiful shade of grey. An agonising mess of love and hate.

If I had met her before all this, would things be different? Maybe I would have been there to protect her. And maybe, she would have loved me back. Maybe... Just maybe...

But those were impossible circumstances. This was now, and my mate was hurting. A pain that I couldn't prevent. A pain that should never have even happened in the first place. A pain that I should have protected her from. I was a failure. I had failed.

A rogue tear crawled down my cheek, I didn't bother to wipe it away, I just let it fall onto the desk below me. I deserved this pain, although it was nothing compared to my mate's.

'Alphas' shouldn't cry' The harsh words of my father echoed in my mind. He was wrong. Alphas' do cry.

Three sharp knocks at my office door snapped me back to reality.

"Enter." I snapped, as I wiped away the last few stray tears, and sat up straight in my chair. Turn the grief to anger. That was always the easiest thing to do. The door opened to reveal one of my lead messengers, Eric.

"Alpha." He bowed,

"Sit down," I mumbled, pointing to a chair.

He seemed uncomfortable and fidgeted in his seat, as I looked at him expectantly.

"It's your brother." He began but hesitated as a low growl escaped my throat.

"He's still looking for her, and his search is bringing him south." He said nervously, wringing his hands in his lap.

"He doesn't quit doesn't he?" I spat, my voice dripping in malice.

"With all due respect Alpha, if you lost your mate, would you ever stop looking for her?"

Another growl tore free from deep within my chest, I would never lose Arden. I would never deliberately drive my mate away, unlike my foolish brother.

Five years ago Elijah told me he had found his mate, though I never got to meet her before they moved far away up north by the Red Druid mountains. Although a little over two years ago, I received a distressed phone call from him, he was frantic and raging. The memories of that night flooded my mind

  "SHE'S GONE, SHE'S really gone." Came his incoherent mumble from across the phone.

"Who Elijah, who's gone?" I asked impatiently, he wasn't making any sense, just speaking in crazed murmurs into the phone.

"My mate, my beautiful mate." His voice broke and contorted with rage, "She left me, how could she!"

"I'm sure she couldn't have gone far," I assured him, "What does she look like?"

"She's so beautiful, when I very first saw her, I knew she had to be mine... That I had to take her." He rambled.

"Elijah, I asked you what does she look like?" I said through gritted teeth, he was never quite right even as a child. He would get strange fixations, obsessions, of sorts.

"She has long dark hair and her eyes... Oh her eyes, Kaden they're the most beautiful shade of green. She's so small, she's so weak, she won't survive out there on her own!"

I took a mental note of her description. Dark hair. Green eyes. Small frame.

"Do you have any idea why she might have left?" I asked,

I was met with silence from the other side of the line, before his whispered answer.

"I only wanted to see her cry..."