Making Up Reality [Complete Journal]

March 7 2017

5/8 completed,
62% completed.
Majority complete.

I looked at a course list this morning.
I realized how much effort I had to put in to pull off something like this,
New environment. New people. New things.

I realized I can't do it.
There's just so much to do. I say that like putting in the effort is the problem I have, no, that's not my excuse. It's that looking at it there's so much to do and I can't handle that, I can't breathe. I'm not one to juggle 50 priorities, 50 things. There's so much you have to do to just barely exceed. All that work is strewn over years, yes, but I feel as I'll be playing catch up for the majority of the last year. I cannot be responsible for compiling that, it's just not something I'll be able to calculate and put together properly. I won't be able to fix mistakes once it's done.
It's concrete.

I can't work it out.
I don't want to go.
I don't want to leave.

Goodnight.