I Can Wish

Happy No More

I wish feelings didn't exist.
Maybe if I couldn't feel anything, I wouldn't be in this situation.
I never thought that having feelings for someone could have this much of an impact on someone's life.
I'm trying to stop it, I'm trying to make the feelings go away, but to no avail.
There's something about him that my heart won't let go of.
As much as I care about him, I wish he wasn't the one my heart chose.
Thanks to that decision, my life has gone downhill.
I've been threatened.
I've been bullied.
I've been cyber bullied.
I've been told to self harm.
I've been told to kill myself.
And the worst part is, I wouldn't mind dying.
As long as it ended my pain.
As long as it ended my suffering.
As long as it means that I don't have to wake up wondering if I'm going to be hurt at school.
As long as it means I won't have to face the people that make my life a living hell.
As long as it means I don't have to face the people that left me when I needed them most.
As long as it means he will be happy.
I would do anything.
I would scar my body.
I would spill my blood.
I would take my life.
To know that I'm not being hurt by others.
To know that I will be safe.
To know that I don't have to fake a smile every time I see someone that I know.
To know that I don't have to act like it doesn't hurt when everyone can clearly see that it does.
But most importantly, to know that he can be happy.
That he can go on with his own life.
That he can get his dream job.
That he can build a future with the girl he loves.
And as much as it hurts.
I have accepted the fact that I will never be that girl.
But I can wish.