I Can Wish

Fuck This Shit

So I've been betrayed by someone I thought was my friend.
They've spread a rumour.
Apparently, I told them that "he and I are really close and we might even be dating soon".
Which is not true at all.
We've just got back onto speaking terms.
And he doesn't even like me like that.
So what made her start that rumour?
I don't know..
I would like to though.
He said that he's disappointed in me.
And he's upset with me.
And that kills me.
He's currently taking her side because she's upset with him and he doesn't want her to be.
I'm back at square one.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I love this boy with all of my heart.
All he's done these past few months is break me.
And even after everything, I still care.
I still make sure he's safe.
I still make sure he's not hurt.
And if that isn't love then I don't know what is.
I'm hurt.
I don't want to be hurt anymore.
I'm deciding whether or not I should confront him face to face tomorrow.
I don't know if I'll be able to bring myself to do it.
But I know that it has to be done.
So I'm going to try my best.
I need to set things right.
I need to make everything okay.
Not just for me.
But for everyone else as well.
Because no one else is going to.
And in this situation my mental and physical health needs to be a priority.
I'm sick of crying at school because it's all too much to handle.
I'm sick of people being disappointed in me.
Although that's never going to change.
I want all of it to end.
All of my pain.
All of the fake friends.
All of the backstabbing.
Everything that is going downhill in my life.
I want it to stop.
And I'm the one that has to stop it.
And with my true friends standing with me, I know that I'll have the strength to do it.
It's going to be really hard.
I know that for a fact.
But I'll push through.
After all, I've made it this far.
There's no point in turning back now, is there?
I don't want anyone else to be upset with me.
Or disappointed in me.
And I definitely don't want him to feel that way.
I don't know if he's ever going to change his mind.
But I can wish.