I Can Wish

It's Happening

Well.
It's official.
On the 21st of September, they're getting back together.
And people may ask "why is there a set date?"
The 21st is the date that they originally started dating and they didn't want to remember a new anniversary.
I think it's a bit stupid but oh well.
My opinion doesn't even matter.
Her best friend is happy that they're getting back together.
Not only are they her number one ship.
But she's excited because it means she'll get to see my soul crushed.
They're pretty much her exact words by the way.
They're not even together yet and I'm falling apart.
I've actually been falling apart for roughly two years now.
Everyone says I need to get over him.
It's like they think that I'm not even trying.
But I am.
I've been trying so hard.
But I can't do it.
I just can't do it anymore.
I'm trying to give up on loving him.
But I've given up on trying to get over him.
So, I've given up on giving up.
Does that make sense?
Maybe not.
Nothing seems to make sense anymore.
I can't seem to function properly.
Knowing that history could repeat itself.
And they're going to end up hurting each other.
I'm more worried about him getting hurt.
And even though she has put me through so much shit.
I don't want to see her hurt either.
I should want to see her suffering.
So she knows what it felt like for me.
But I can't bring myself to see someone that makes him happy, in pain.
Because it means he would be upset.
And that would break me even more.
If that's even possible.
I've had so many people who have been there for me.
And when I say 'so many people'.
I actually mean between 5-10.
But they're my closest, most trusted friends.
And I love them all so much.
I hate to actually say this.
But I don't think I would be here without them.
I don't mean where I'm standing in my life today.
I mean on this earth.
I considered taking it all away.
But realisation hit me.
There are people who would be absolutely devastated if I was to take my life.
And that thought keeps me going everyday.
It may not seem like it to me.
But there actually are people who care if I'm alive or not.
All my friends.
My whole family.
Maybe the school.
Maybe the community I live in.
I like to think that he's one of them.
Even though he probably doesn't.
But I can wish.