I Can Wish

Giving Up

I'm starting to lose all hope.
It seems that I can't do anything right.
I can't focus at school.
I'm forgetting small things that shouldn't be forgotten.
I can't stand to look at my own reflection.
Not without hating what stares back at me.
All I see is a worthless piece of trash.
That deserves to be thrown away.
And she deserves everything that she has coming to her.
But I'm confused.
As much as I have made myself believe that I deserve everything bad.
There's a voice inside me that tells me otherwise.
And for the first time today.
I listened to it.
And I know that I don't deserve the harsh words.
Or the threats.
Or the pain.
Or the heartache.
So why do I know that I don't deserve it.
But feel like I do?
It hurts my head to think about it.
All I want to do is close my eyes.
And fall asleep.
And never wake up.
I know that that won't happen.
But I can wish.