Dead Inside

Chapter 1

Her beat up hightops made a small echo as she walked down the hall. She picked up a paper tray and got in the salad line. "What would you like?" a lady with thinning gray hair tucked behind a hair net, asked her. the lunch lady's name was Angie, or atleast, she thought so. She considered her options. "Beef and cheese, crunchy lettuce." She let out a little giggle. "What was that?" Angie asked. "Oh it was a band reference," she replied.

"No, I mean what kind of lettuce, and by beef do you mean ham or..?" Angie trailed off staring at something behind her. She sighed at her uncesseful song reference. She clarified her order, adding a few vegetables and typed her number in the punch pad. "Thankyou," she said. She always felt obligated to say that because she got her lunch for free. It was something that she had to do in order to justify her self. She probably wasn't going to eat the lunch any way, but if there was nothing to eat then she couldn't try.

Besides, if she ended up sitting alone again she would want something to keep her ocuppied. Being occupied and alone made it look like you were less of a loser. She hoped. Or maybe people would think she was too cool for them. She almost gagged, as if.

She scanned the lunch room. Where would she sit today? She didn't know, but she promised herself she wouldn't cry in the bathroom again. That was pathetic. She took a few steps forward. Well there was no way she was sitting at the popular table. Even if she could get in, which she couldn't, she would more easily kill a man then opt to sit there. There was a table in the back with some geeks and even a few goths that looked promising but unfortunately it was full.

She realized she had been standing and searching for far too long. She found an empty seat to her left and quickly sat down. "Hi," someone said, but she was 100% positive it wasn't towards her. She looked down at her food. She grabbed her fork and stabbed a peice of lettuce, pretending like it was a popular. Oops, may be too morbid? She ate it any way.

"Hello," someone said again, it was the same voice from last time. She looked to her right. It was her crush. "Eek," she said. Ok where did that come from? "Um..uh.. are you talking to me?" "Yeah," he said, brushing his black hair out of his face. My heart goes pitter patter, "Oh why would you do that?" He shrugs, "You seem nice enough."

"Oh ok Ryan" she said jokingly. "Wait what's your name?" he asks. He didn't even know her. She felt suddenly ashamed. She could feel her blush spread across her nose and cheeks. She tucked her faded blue hair behind her ears. "Sam." "Come again?" he says. "Sam. That's my name." She said. How does he not know this? They've had classes together for three years. Why are these the first words they've spoken to each other?

"Are you ok?" He asks, suddenly. "Yeah.. umm.." She wanted to escape the situation. Why was this happening? She picked up her lunch tray, which carried a salad that she had no plans of eating. She took one step forward and slipped. She was going to land on her back. It was going to hurt. Salad was going to go everywhere. She was going to get embarrassed. But somehow Ryan managed to catch her in time. "Thanks," she said, and suddenly he was so close. She could feel his breath on her forward. She started to lean forward, aiming to kiss him.

Ryan dodged the kiss, jerking backwards. "Sam, your really cute and everything but I'm not attracted to girls." "What?" She asked struggling out of his arms. "I have a boyfriend. He goes to a different school, but we can be friends, ok?" She was a moron. How had she not seen this coming? Shame radiated off of her, and a headache pounded into her skull. Everything was happening so fast. "I..I have to go."

She just wanted to get out, and run, but she had no where to go. She walked back to class and sat with her head down on the desk. She wanted to scream. Why was she this way? She couldn't make any friends. She sucked at human interaction. Here emotions were haywire. Most kids didn't even know of her existence.