Dead Inside

Chapter 7

She didn't want to go to school tommorow, or ever for that matter. Sam let out a frustrated scream. Her thoughts were pounding and her breathing seemed echoed in the enclosed bathroom. It was too bright in there. She got up and turned off the light. Then, she closed her eyes and sunk to the bottom of the tub. She tried to relax her shoulders and she proped her weight against the back of the tub.

She closed her eyes and stayed that way for a long time. Sam could here the water dripping. She faded in and out of consciousness. She woke up to a knock on the door. The water was ice cold. "Sam are you still in there?" It was her mom's voice. "Huh?" she said, choking on the water that was in her mouth. She pulled her self up. It was dark. She was breaking out into shivers. She hadn't even conditioned her hair.

She was dripping wet and she was naked. She wrapped a towel around her body. Sam opened the door to see her mom; she hugged her. "Your freezing," Sams mother said. Sam sneezed. Her mom had a look of terror in her face. "What's wrong? It's just a cold," Sam said. Her mom shook her head, "No, you.... you self harm?" Oh. Oh that. Huh. "Yeah I.. It's better than suicide." "I'm so sorry Sam. I haven't been a good enough mom. Let's do something fun tommorow. After I get back from work."

"Yeah. Ok," Sam said in between shivers. Her mom gave her one of her robes to wear and Sam bundled up in covers. Sam warmed a glass of milk up and stirred in a packet of cocoa. The hot chocolate was just what she needed. Sam sighed in content. "You feeling better?" her mom asked. As Sam looked closer, she could see bags under her mother's eyes. All of this must be putting a lot of stress on her. Her mom walked in while she was in a noose, for God sakes. Wow. Who had she become?

"Yeah I feel a lot better actually," Sam finally said. "Good," her mom said nodding her head numbly. "Hey do you.. uh, think we should go to bed? It's like 1am-ish and we both have to get up early tommorow," Sam said. "Yeah ok Samantha," her mom grabbed her hand. Samantha? When was the last time her mom used her full name? When was the last time anyone used her full name? Granted not many people spoke words with her. Then again, her mother was just probably out of it. They slept together, her mom too scared that if she was alone she'd do something stupid.

Sleep came easy enough. She was exhausted. Only a handful of hours later, the morning light came in through the curtains. The alarm hadn't gone off, but she wasn't too late. She aroused her mom. The pair got ready in a hurry. Sam almost forgot her earbuds but thankfully remebered them at the last minute. She laced her offbrand converse in the car. "Yeah I did not do any of my homework last night, and damn it. I didnt study for the test in biology," Sam told her mom.

"Don't worry, just try your best. If you get bad grades, you get bad grades. The only thing highschool grades determine is college. You don't have to worry about college schlorships because financial aid will probably cover us," her mother said. Ha, okay. Her mom was so chill about this.

They listened to Fall Out Boy on the drive to school. The song 'The Kids Aren't Alright' really hit home for her. She closed her eyes and let the lyrics sink in. She hoped today was ok. When the school came into view she slinged her backpack over her shoulder. Sam gave her mom a quick hug. In a moment or two she stepped out of the car. She nervously fidgeted her hands and looked down at the floor.

Inside the school it was loud and quiet at the same time. She was looking down, mostly. Things will get better. Things will get better. She repeated her mantra. She was vaguely aware that one of her shoelaces came undone. Sam considered bending down and tieing it. She was in no rush to get to homeroom, anyways.

But then, out of nowhere, Will pushed her up against the wall. His force was hard and it really hurt her shoulder blades and back. "Ouch what the heck was that for?!" she yelled. In reply he pushed his soft lips against hers.