dear draco,

twenty

I drop to my knees and put my head in my hands.

After more than six months of silence, this is a lot, and I don't know what to do about it. Minutes pass, long minutes of restraining myself from running out; from betraying Draco and going to help my friends instead of protecting my own safety. It's selfish, but I can't stop their voices from echoing around my head; persistent commands of staying safe, because apparently, I am in more danger than most other people here.

But before I know it, he is back, being dragged by Snape down the spiral staircase and out the far end of the corridor, unnoticed by everyone else. Either Draco doesn't see me or doesn't want to look at me, but he doesn't meet my eyes.

Unable to contain myself any longer, I get up and sprint after them. I have waited too long for this moment. I refuse to remain so confused and excluded.

I can't see the Death Eaters in front of me, but I can hear them; shrieking and happy and horrid. "Not that way!" screams one of them, and I skid behind a corner to hide, hearing them stop in their tracks. "It's been blocked off; go out the front gates and Apparate to the Manor!"

After moments, there is an enormous crash, and the voices begin to fade. I take a deep breath and begin to run again, around the corner, across the landing and into the Entrance Hall. In front of me, the huge front doors have been blown apart, and students who have woken up from all the commotion stand at either side looking terrified. They stare at me as I sprint out the door, barely noticing the cold air on my throat, or the grounds flying past me as I run, or the flames – behind me, something else has been blown apart. All that I can think of is getting to Draco.

Once I reach the gate myself, I freeze in my tracks. This is a risk; massively so. To willingly send myself to a place I know is filled with Death Eaters is even more dangerous than staying here at Hogwarts; a place now littered with destruction.

But I take a breath, and remind myself why I am in Gryffindor. Because despite being scared and sad, and wanting the world to stop taking everything I love and turning it into a chaotic mess, and despite being so shaken by the obstacles that life throws at me that I always just want to curl up and cry; I am brave. I am in Gryffindor because I am brave, and value bravery over anything else.

I don't feel very brave right now.

So, I pluck up every bit of courage I can find, not because I am brave enough to do so, but because I know I can. I know that the Draco I love is still there, somewhere inside the broken boy I witnessed today.

And with the last amount of energy I can muster, I twist, and Disapparate.

When I open my eyes, I'm standing in a wide driveway, facing a huge door. It's the middle of the night now, and frighteningly silent in comparison to the chaos of only moments before. My breath sounds loud and clear into the darkness, drowning out the only other sound of water rushing faintly in a nearby fountain. It's dark, and I am surrounded by dark stone walls and impending doom. The enormous Malfoy Manor looms over me, dark and terrifying.

I knock hard on the door, three short raps that make me sound a lot bolder than I feel. The door opens, no more than an inch, and I quickly fold my arms so that whoever's behind it can't see that they are trembling.

A small eye peers out at me, a man's eye; someone who is clearly much shorter than me. "Who are you?"

I realise I didn't quite think this part through. "I – ahem. I'm here to see Draco Malfoy."

The door pushes wider open as he realises I'm no threat. The short, stout man looks up at me and raises an eyebrow. "Name?"

I pause. If I give my name, he is sure to recognise me and never let me in. "I'm here to see Draco Malfoy," I repeat, realizing as I say it that this is a pretty useless statement in the face of a war. But then, in just the right moment, I spot Draco behind him, trudging towards an enormous staircase. "Draco Malfoy" I repeat, hardly able to believe my luck. Draco spins around in disbelief. "Oh look, there he is," I say hastily to the man, who narrows his eyes.

Draco rushes toward the door. "Yes, she's with me," he says, his eyes fixed on mine. Before the man can do anything, he grabs my arm and pulls me in. He walks quickly and I stumble behind him.

He takes my hand in his and leads me firmly away from the short man, down the vast hallway and up a wide set of marble stairs. Once we are far enough away, he pulls me close enough to say, "What are you doing here?"

I melt a little under Draco's touch, having missed it for so long. But I can't stop staring at him, noticing more and more how much he's changed since I last saw him. He is thinner, yes, but in this light I can also see that he hasn't slept in a very long time. I want to comfort him, and I want him to comfort me back.