Everything Has Changed

Learn My Lesson

Tonight the sunset means so much
The one thing that you know you'll never touch
Like the feeling, the real thing
I reach out for that sweet dream

But somehow the darkness wakes me up
I've felt this emptiness before
But all the times that I've been broken
I still run right back for more

So much for a quick weekend getaway to visits his hometown. So much for thinking he has friends and family here. So much for him and Tara. His trip from Oregon to California was supposed to be quick. Up and back with maybe some hope of finding the woman he loved. He knew there was a chance that she and the boys had moved on. It was after all what he had wanted. For her to have the life she and the boys deserved. A life filled with laughter and love not tears and violence. He knew it was pointless to hope that somewhere another man hadn't fallen in love with her, he just always hoped that when she saw all he and accomplish for her and his boys that the connection they always shared would rear it's head and even though she would care for this other faceless, nameless man it couldn't hold a candle to what she felt for him. Unrealistic? Maybe, but he didn't exactly expect that other man to be one of his oldest and dearest brother, and he most certainly didn't expect it to be someone a part of SAMCRO.

So here he is, Monday morning has arrived with its blinding California sunshine and stifling heat. Any other time he would have welcomed it. A stark change from the weather in Oregon that rarely had any extreme temperatures, unless you counted snow. He missed the heat and the warmth of the California sun on his skin and hair, which was much darker without the sun bleaching it.

Jax has already called his shop manager to take care of things for the next few days. He has been drowning himself in beer, pussy, and bud; three things always readily available to him in Charming. He walked out of that clubhouse with no intentions of returning. The one thing he knew in that moment, the moment his son walked to Chib, the moment that Tara's lips touched another mans was that if he didn't leave right then he would seriously end up back in jail. It took everything in him to not pull his gun and shoot the traitor right then and there.

His mind had learned to accept a lot of things in his life. That his father possibly killed himself, that his stepfather had attempted to his father, that his mother had manipulated both those men, that if left unattended for any longer his mother would have killed his wife. This should have been a cakewalk, but through it all he had at one time or another doubted all those people. He had never doubted Tara.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

You think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven't learned a thing

He closes his eyes and relives the worst day of his life, scratch that second worse...

He pulled up at his house just in time to see Juice and Eli racing inside. He followed quickly, gun drawn. They all made it in the door just as Gemma submerged Tara's head in the sink. It took both men grabbing Gemma and Jax pulling Tara to separate them. His wife gasped for air and the blood pooled out of the side of her face a result of his mother hitting her with an iron. The barbecue fork in Gemma's hand leaving no question as to her intent.

" It had to be done. It had to be done. I had work to do. She did this. She made a deal. She betrayed him."

Eli handcuffed Gemma and called for a medic. Jax charged his mother.

"She didn't rat mom. I gave myself up to protect her, to protect my boys! What the fuck mom?!" He shoved her hard and Sherriff Roosevelt pulled the older woman out of reach.

Juice who has been keeping a dry rag pressed against Tara's face to try and staunch the bleeding tried to break his President out of his immediate anger, "Jax.." He said softly to bring back his president from what he's sure would be a very bloody and life ending mistake if made in front the sheriff.

" No. No. It had to be done" Gemma chanted is shock. The ambulance arrives and as Jax helped Tara out of the kitchen he stoped briefly at Gemma. She quiets as she gazes at her son.

" You are dead to me mother. You are nothing. And you will never see me or your grandsons again"

The look in his eyes tells her that she better keep her mouth shut. The sheriff reads Gemma her rights as he walks her out to the waiting car. The rest of the MC looks on in shock. The high queen of charming just took a mighty long walk off a short pier.

Jax never went back on his word to his mother. He never went to her trial or subsequent sentencing. He also made zero attempts to attend her funeral either. A nasty prison brawl had taken her life. The details were of no importance to him. It was simply taken care of and that's all he needed to know.

Jax figures no one in Charming probably realizes he still owns Gemma and Clays house so there'd be no one looking for him there, so that where he'd been since Friday, his room at his moms.

Maybe it was the masochist in him because Gemma hadn't changed it much since he'd lived there as a teen and that meant the room was littered with pictures of him and Tara. A kiss on the beach at Malibu, a profile of her in black and white, from behind when she had gotten her crow tattoo were all visible through the faceless women riding him, or laying missionary beneath him as he tries to rid his mind of Tara and Chibs. It doesn't work and he's pretty sure he never really expected it to, he was just trying to even the score by fucking as many women as he could. He was Jackson Teller and member of the MC or not he was a fucking legend in Charming.

The sun in Cali burned hotter and shown brighter than Oregon and in his morning stupor he can barely see as he walks into the kitchen. He starts a pot of coffee and sits at the table where he remembers happier time here consisting of family dinners with the club or Tara and him with the boys. He rubs the beginnings of the beard that's been growing in since he barely left the house let alone showered or found a razor in days. He's been clean-shaven for years now so the rough stubble feels odd against his finger.

He wanders the familiar house as he waits for the coffee. On the mantel is a picture of him and a very pregnant Tara. He closed his eyes. Avoidance isn't going to work this time. He needs to see her. She was the reason he came here in the first place and he realizes there's no leaving until he's done that.

Sometimes I think I'm better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
And give up the longing, believing in belonging
Just hold down my head and take the loss

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven't learned a thing

*Lyrics Learn My Lesson by Daughtry