The cripple and the shieldmaiden

// 24 //

Some moments she thought she would make it, other moments she just wandered around in the darkness. Torhild had no idea how long she was like this when she finally opened her eyes, squeezing them together when the light blinded her sight. Her body felt heavy, her throat dry and muscles screaming in pain with every move she tried to make. So she just laid there, staring at the ceiling trying to get her tired mind around the situation she was in. The last thing she could remember was that soldier, pushing his sword through her body. It was a vivid memory and she felt it all over again. She couldn't warn her brother over who had stabbed her, a man from lord Edgar. She didn't even know if he survived the attack. If anybody had survived it. In those awake moments she just tried to put some time in her surrounding. Her eyes gazed over the wooden ceiling, telling her she was in the settlement. She had no idea how she came here but she was just glad that it was here and not with that lord of the king. She turned her head, looking in the blazing flames of the fireplace, keeping her warm in the bed. When she lifted her arm if felt heavy, stiff but she managed to feel her hair, her face, the bandages around her stomach. The rest of the room was empty, except for some herbs and an empty chair there wasn't a sign of life. So she took it on herself, pushing her body up, gasping in pain when she moved her upper body a little. She got so far to put her naked feet on the ground, scared of the loneliness she was in. It broke her apart, the uncertainty of the situation. She needed to get up but as soon as she tried to push her body up the pain and heaviness of her body pulled her down again. 'Torhild.' Torhild looked up to Hvitserk who stood in the doorway. 'What are you doing?' He asked, his eyes uncertain, gazing over het body like he didn't believed she was awake.
'I'm,' her voice sounded raspy, hardly understandable.
'No, hush love.' He walked over, crouched before her, shaking his head. 'You need to rest, please Torhild.' He whispered, cupping a part of her face but she burst into tears. 'Lay down.' He helped her with the softness he always had around her. She laid down again, groaning in the pain she had. Hvisterk looked at her and smiled caring. 'Just away and already on your way to battle again,' he smiled down on her. Torhild looked at him, in his dark eyes ... but it weren't the eyes she was longling for. 'We weren't sure if you would wake again.' He whispered, stroking a strand of hair out of her face.
'How long?' She barely could ask.
'Little more than a week. The healer saw it positive, the longer you laid down, the better you would heal so,' he shrugged, looking at her stomach.
'Lord,'
'Alive and well.' Hvitserk itterupted her to spare some breath and energy. But it didn't really help, how could that traitor still be alive? Did nobody got her message? Hvitserk noticed her troubled eyes and laid his hands around hers, pressing his lips against it. 'Torhild, don't worry about him. We know what he did, we just can't do anything right now.' He assured her. Why not? What was so hard on killing somebody who tried to kill her?
'Why?' She asked softly, looking at him in despare, anger. Hvitserk sighed while he shook his head again.
'You don't have to be worried. We explain when you are better, for now just get yourself some energy again.'
'The others?' He rolled his eyes after that question.
'You are as stubborn as my brother. Everyone is fine, the one a little more than the other.' He smiled. What does he meant by that. She narrowed her eyes questioningly. But it was a wild guess, he wasn't talking about the physical state of the others, he was talking about Ivar.
'Where is he?' She asked, still hoarse. Hvitserk looked towards the door, like Ivar could crawl in any moment.
'He is with your mother, yes, she arrived.' He answered the little sparkle in her eyes. That was the best news she had in a while, her mother finally arrived. 'He will be back any moment. Let's say he missed you.' Hvitserk winked. His positivity really cheered her up a little. But despite everything she felt the tiredness already drop down on her again. 'Rest, when you wake up your brother and Ivar will be here and they will explain you everything.' Hvitserk pressed a kiss against her hand again, carefully laid it down on the bed again. He gave her a long look before he leaved, letting her behind in the emptyness of her own thoughts.

When Torhild waked again she wasn't the only one in the room. Ivar sat in the chair, his legs resting on the bed, his head a little tilted, breathing rather loudly while he lived the good life in his dreams. She instantly felt the tears started running again and actually ... she didn't want to wake him up. 'Ivar.' She whispered. He couldn't be that far away because his eyes flew open in a instant. Bleu eyes looking at her with the biggest relief she ever saw with him. He just sat there, watching her when his mind tried to get in to the situation. Yes, she was alive and breathing, something he had to process for a moment. 'Ivar.' She snapped him right out of his thoughts. He pulled his legs from the bed and hopped over from the chair to right aside her. And as soon she felt his dumb running away her tears she closed her eyes. His warmth, his strenght, she couldn't believe she had slept for over a week but now, she knew what she had missed the most.
'Don't do that ever again.' He whispered, pushing his forehead against her temple. 'I missed you. I thought I lost you.' If was like he dropped all of his fear on her. In that moment she knew for sure she was his weakness, the only thing that could bring the great Ivar the Boneless down. Torhild still had her eyes closed, enjoying his warm breath against her skin. It was still for moments, her breathing became steady, peacefull almost. 'Torhild?' He asked. She opened her eyes and turned her head a little only to look in those deep blue eyes of his. He stroke the last of her tears away and she closed her eyes again.
'Why didn't you kill him?' She softly asked, her head still so close to his, his body warming hers by laying next to her.
'Don't.' He protested. When she looked at him again she could she his tempering rage already brewing in his eyes again.
'Tell me.' She insisted.
'Torhild no,' he reacted in anger, on instinct. 'I don't want to be angry, I'm tired of being angry, I'm tired of not getting my way in this. The only place I can be myself is with you. Please.' He said tired, almost begging for some peace in his head. Torhild knew that she missed a lot, but this version of Ivar was even new to her. She lifted her hand and stroke the short cut of his head.
'I'm afraid to die.' Torhild confessed. In that passed week she floated between life and dead, except for her dreaming there was really nothing in the darkness and she was scared to go there again.
'Don't be, I will protect you and even if you're in Valhalla, I will be there to.' He promised her, placing his lips against hers. She melted under his touch, his kiss but the pain denied her further enjoyment of the moment. He smiled softly against her lips before he pulled away. His eyes went sortly to the door, like he was thinking about leaving or staying.
'If you need to be the fearless Ivar The Boneless again, than go.' Her voice cracked under it and she slowly sighed, what cause her much more pain.
'What can I do to ease your pain?' He asked.
'Stay? Being almost dead makes you afraid of everything.'
'As long as you won't be afraid of me.' He replied. She wanted to smile but it didn't really worked out. He laid his head aside her, his hand soflty warm the skin between her bandages and waist.
'Don't grow all soft on me Ivar.' She whispered, already closing her eyes again.
'To late.' He murmured. Torhild absorbed his touch, the softness of his breathing, the warmth of his body. It was just enough, just enough to get her in a dreamless sleep again.