The cripple and the shieldmaiden

// 35 //

The darkness armed her, the sounds of a feast in the great hall drummed in her ears but Torhild wasn't attending. She just looked in front of her, laying on the bed while she listened to the sounds of laughter. Torhild didn't turned her head when she recognized the sound, the distinct sound of his body crawling in. She didn't moved, pretended she was sleeping when he pulled on the bed, wrapping an arm around her waist. She hoped he would say something, anything but he didn't, he just fell asleep besides her. And when she waked up the next morning he was gone and she felt alone again. There was some part of him still caring about her but he wouldn't admit to it. He wouldn't give up his power to go back to Kattegat so how big was his love? He didn't protest against her marriage arragement with Hvitserk, so what did it meant? She walked over to the great hall and saw him sitting on the steps before. He didn't looked up, he was carving wood again, pretended that he wasn't there last night so she pretended she never noticed him. 'Ready princess?' Ubbe smiled. Torhild looked up to him and greeted him with a short bow. Her mother just walked out when she walked in.
'We missed you last night. Are you feeling oke?' Lagertha asked her. Torhild looked a short moment towards Ivar before she nodded.
'Eager to get home.'
'Me to.' Lagertha stroke her cheek.
'Mother.' Torhild stopped her mother before she could walk further. 'On the feast from the king, just before you arrived I spoke a man, an old adviser of King Ecbert.' She began. Lagertha looked to Ivar who held his eyes on the both of them, listeting over the conversation. Lagertha stepped further and Torhild frowned her eyesbrows, walking after her mother. 'He knew you, said you had a connection with Ecbert. He was interested in me,' her voice fadded when her mother finally turned around to her daughter.
'That was a long time ago.' She answered.
'What did he mean with that connection?' Torhild asked. Lagertha looked at her for a moment.
'I explain home.' She smiled before walking further.
'Mother.'
'Torhild, home.' Lagertha maked clear. Torhild nodded and turned around, Ivar was still watching.
'What is it?' He asked, a little unintrested even.
'Nothing of your concern.' She reacted, walking back in the great hall, leaving him with that frustration again. Her brother sat after a table with king Harald and Hvitserk, making plans for the mediterranean sea again. 'Already?' She asked. Björn looked up with a amused grinn.
'Don't worry, we stay at least a week home before we go.' He reassured her. A week .... She rolled her eyes, a little amused.
'You don't coming princess.' King Harald asked. She was surpriced he was the one who offered and not her brother or Hvtiserk. She wouldn't hold Hvitserk back, she knew how much he wanted this.
'Maybe.' She nodded. Not immidiatly, she needed time to set things in order.
'You don't have to.' Hvitserk said. Torhild looked to hum and smiled softly.
'Somebody needs to protect my future husband.' Her voice airy, nonchalant while she walked back outsite, leaving the three of them laughing.

The white stallion from Lord Edgar was gone. Torhild looked the stables around for the last time before she walked back to the center of the settlement. This was her last walk, it felt like she was leaving some things behind. Not only Ivar but her pain, the memories. That stallion was one of those memories and when she arrived at the center she saw him before Ivar his chariot. He changed that old white horse for this mighty animal. He was full in armor, like he was going in battle already and they didn't had left. Lagertha said her goodbyes but not to Ivar. Torhild stroke the white stallion over his neck before she walked over to her mother. 'Ready?' Lagertha asked.
'Let's go.' She nodded, looking over her shoulder to Ivar. They changed looks but he didn't say a thing. If he just did ... he make dit so easy for her to walk away.

A big part of the heathen army started sailing away. Torhild took Hvitserk his hand and climbed on after Ase. 'I'm gonna miss it.' Ase sighed.
'I'm not.' Torhild reacted. Turning her body to look to the couple of men who stayed behind, Ivar was among them. He looked fierce, like he always was. But the sparks of concern weren't there.
'You sure?' Ase asked her, caughting Torhild on looking to Ivar.
 'We will see each other again.' She murmured. Ase sat down on the egde of the boat while some of the vikings pushed him in water.
'The question is how. He changed when Sigurd died, he will change with you leaving.'
'He could stop me.' She protested softly. Ase nodded, both of them looking to the son of Ragnar who stayed behind.
'He hasn't a brother to hold him back, he hasn't you. I'm not sure if you want to see him back Torhild.' Ase explained. Torhild looked aside, knowing that Ase started to knew him pretty well to in the past couple of weeks. And she was right, she had no idea how she would find him back. Would his soul be totally darkened? Would he be still alive? This could be the verry last time she would see him.
'I have to.' Torhild whispered, leaving her hand on her stomach. Not for the sore spot from her stabwound but for something totally different. Ase looked down, her eyes widened.
'From him?' She asked in disbelief. Torhild stroke her belly, fiding some balance while the boat sailed over the first waves.
'I don't know what to do Ase.' Torhild whispered.
'Listen to the gods to begin with, listen to your heart.' Ase replied. Torhild looked long enough to Ivar and he to her until he was just a little spot on the horizon, until she saw that white stallion galloping away.

The End

I just heared my own heart crack in two.