The cripple and the shieldmaiden

// 29 //

'Do you miss home?' Ase asked. Torhild looked away from the dark sky aside to her friend. Torhild left that meeting with the need to clear her head, like she always did before something big. Going to Aethelwulf and bluff about marrying Ubbe was such a thing, especially because she knew a whole attact plan stood behind it. So Ase accompanied her in a long walk on horseback to the beach.
'Often.' She whispered, looking at the horizon behind all those ships. They left the horses on the egde of the forest and walked side by side over the beach. 'Not so much as in the beginning. The people I care about are here so,' her voice fadded a little and she stroke her hand over the sore spot on her stomach.
'Are you ready?' Ase asked, looking at her stomach hidden underneath her dress.
'For politics yes, fighting, don't know.'
'It really hitted you, didn't it?' She guessed. Torhild her smiled fadded and she stopped on the side of one of the ships, slidding her hand over the wood.
'Yes.' She answered before looking up to Ase. 'I don't feel so confident anymore, always overthinking things. I feel asamed, for being so weak.'
'Weak,' repeated Ase directly. 'You're not weak Torhild, you are one of the most strongest woman I met. You are young, don't forget that but you are verry strongheaded, I don't know what Björn would have done but it would be a lot more brutal. So I think you saved some lives by the things you did.' She said. Torhild smiled shortly while she climb on one of their boats. Somewhere deep inside Torhild wanted to go home, rest for a while, think things over. But she didn't had that choice, that's why her mother kept her away from the meetings and fighting. So much had changed and Torhild felt like she drifted away from things.
'Morther want's you to keep an eye on me, isn't it?' Torhild asked softly while hugging the mast, resting her head against the pole and looking at the ocean.
'Yes.' Ase replied honest.
'That's why she trains you that hard.'
'She wants you safe.'
'I am.' Torhild signed. She was safe, during her whole journey here there was one person that kept her safe ... it was Ivar.
'She doesn't trust him.'
'Do you?' Torhild asked. Ase sat on the edge of the boat and played with the braid in her hair.
'I don't know Ivar as good like you do, I know he is dangerous but not for you. I trust him enough.' She aswered. Torhild looked at her friend and gazed to the waves again. 'It is more between you and Ivar.'
'Yes.' Torhild answered, making her body loose from the pole and walking over to Ase.
'He is a cripple Torhild, Hvitserk loves you equally, I know that.'
'Hvitserk isn't Ivar.' She reacted, maybe a little in defense for Ivar. Why was everyone doubting Ivar? Yes he was a cripple but he was everything for her. And in moments like this, while she was so unstable then there was Ivar and he held her above water just enough to take a new breath of air.
'I leave you for a moment.'
'Thank you Ase.' She whispered while sucked down in her own doubt and uncertainty again.

Ase didn't come back, she left and it took an hour before Torhild heared someone else approaching. 'There is my wife to be.' Ivar joked. Torhild turned her head away from the sea and looked how he pulled his body in the boat, his horse and chariot tided around another boat.
'Very funny.' She replied neutral.
'What? You said it yourself.' He grinned. She looked how he crawled towards her, resting his back against the side while she sat on the edge. 'Not funny?' He asked. Torhild looked away and gazed back to the ocean, feeling the waves rock underneath the boat a little.
'I ment it Ivar. I wouldn't marry somebody else, not by choose and not under pressure.' She pulled her eyes away from the sea and looked to him ... but he wasn't looking back. 'Tell me you think the same.'
'I won't marry, you know that. You mother wouldn't allow it and besides,' he felt silent for a moment, still not looking. 'I can't make you happy.' He followed. She thought that he would say something like that. She slided her body from the edge and sat down besided him. It was something that draw a line between the two of them every time. He not admitting that he could be good and could love and she not letting him think that of himself.
'Why do you find that so hard to,'
'I'm a cripple Torhild.' he interupted her angry, eyes full of conflix in his own feelings. 'I couldn't make you happy like others do, I won't be able to give you childeren, even less, satisfy you.' He followed. She clenshed her jaws together, angry about his words, words that she tried to change even since he was little.
'I hate you for this, always thinking less of yourself.'
'Makes it easier to not love me.' Where was this coming from all of the sudden?
'What did my mother said to you?' She asked, pulling her body away from aside him.
'Nothing.' He answered. She just stared at him trying to wrap her head around everything he said. It felt like he was letting go of her, like he pushed her away and for her it felt like heartbreak. 
'Why? Ivar, it feels like you push me away.' The desperate tone in her voice was enough to turn his eyes her way.
'You don't derseve someone as twisted and hatered as me. When you said you only wanted to marry me I thought of that, of the things I could never give you.'
'Does it matter? You tell me that everything you did for me, the kisses, the connection, it was nothing?' She asked, shocked, angry, confused and even sad.
'No. you mean the world to me Torhild. Even when I'm distant and angry with others around you are the only one I think of.'
'So you love me?'
'Yes, but I can't make you happy. It's simple as that. Maybe you should marry Hvitserk.'
'You did not just say that!' She hissed, pushing her body up ready to leave. But on the egde of the boat she turned around to him again. He was looking at her, eyes filled with a certain pain and despare. 'Do you mean everything you just said?' She asked. If his answer would be yes she would leave and never look back to him.
'No.' He answered.
'Why do you say it then?'
'Because I'm afraid to fail you.' He whispered. Torhild walked over to him, placing herself on his lap while she laid her hand against his jaw. His eyes flamed up by her touch.
'Let me prove you otherwise.'
'No, Torhild.' His eyes shouted fear.
'Yes Ivar, it's out of love, not because you want to prove yourself. I would never jugde you if it won't work.' She comferted him. She knew he had tried it with Margrethe and it didn't worked, leaving a scar in his already unstable mind. It was her duty to prove him otherwise. And she didn't gave him time to protest, she just placed her lips on his, opening them a little so he got all her tast, her feelings. She knew he couldn't resist that part of her so it didn't took him long before she felt his hand sneak around her waist, pulling her closer while his kiss grew more dominant. 'I like it when you get all vurneable.' She whispered teasing, a little out of breath.
'Don't tell anybody, you will terrorize my ego.' He breathed against her neck, placing kisses over her throat leaving her with that longing desire. His hand traveled up over her back, untying the knot that held her dress together. She moved her head willingly in the direction his lips traveled, her eyes closed to absorbe more of the pleasure he runned through her body. She felt his hand pulling down her dress, leaving a trail of shiverings down her spine. He moved, laying her on her back on the wooded floor of the ship, so genlte, so not Ivar and only for her. His hand slide of her dress while she pulled his shirt of, leaving no more than only skin between them. His eyes met the wound on her stomach, despite it was healed, it still looked ungly.
'I'm fine.' She whispered. He placed a kiss on the wound before his lips found hers again. She felt his naked chest contact with hers and it was like the warmth she felt started to center down. His uncertainty fadded with every kiss he gave her. His fingers roomed her body, the curves of her breasts, the soft pressure over her ribs. 'Ivar.' She moaned a little while curving her body up to his. He smiled, an almost dark smile but with a lot of love admiring. Her nails pulled a trail over his spine leaving him short of breath for a change. How demanding his kiss was, she totally fell for it, for him. While his hand traveled up her leg, under the lefts from her dress, hers roamed his chest down to unbottem his trousers. Non of this felt like  her times with Hvitserk. It went so much deeper, makes so much more loose. That he had skinny unfeeling legs didn't do a thing to her, that he had said to her he couldn't satisfy a woman even less. She was eager to prove him wrong and she did. She gave Ivar the security he was looking for and she give herself the best moment in past time, leaving the both of them whispering each others names in desire and out of breath. Feeling his movements inside her didn't kept in with only whispers but because there was nobody around she didn't really care. Torhild did wat Margrethe couldn't do, she proved the world that Ivar wasn't a cripple, not that she did it for them, she did it for him. She panted, covered in sweat while she reached the last of her self control and colapsed around him short before he did the same. Torhild hadn't much breath over when he pressed his lips to hers again.
'I hope your mother let me marry you one day.' He said with a heavy breath.
'Oh, now you want to marry me?' She asked, tired but with a satisfied grinn around her lips. 'Told you I would prove you wrong.'
'Should never doughted you.' He replied, resting his body besides hers. Torhild closed her eyes, catching her breath for a moment, thinking back on all the things he had done. 
'For being a cripple you do extrodionary things Ivar.' She said after a while, impressed by the fact that she was so tired off it. She was feeding his ego, he didn't needed it, his eyes shouted the onfident he felt on that moment.
'Did I hurt you?'
'No.' She reacted right away, throwing him a reasurring glance.
'You should rest, we need you sharp tomorrow.'
'I don't know if I will be sharp after this.' She reacted dreamy. She turned her head and looked to him, smiling.
'Is this your honest opinion or just you wanting to make me feel better?'
'Believe me when I say, Hvitserk can learn a thing of two.' She stroke her hand over his hair that was quite the mess before she pushed a kiss against his lips. 'Don't get all cocky about it.'
'I will try.' He winked. Trying was failing with Ivar. She looked back up to the sky, closing her eyes to look for sleep but his fingers roaming every bit of visable skin didn't really gave her a fair change. 'You know,' he began, placing his lips against her shoulders. Torhild didn't open her eyes, she only hummed a little in reply. 'now that I know that I can do this we should come here more often.' He said with a promesing voice.
'There isn't a holding you back, is there?' She joked while looking at him. He smiled down to her, that smug attitude all over him.
'Not when it comes to you.' He answered honest.
'Lucky me.'
'I wouldn't say that.' He said in a dark promesing voice, pulling all her desire back up. By all the gods, what was he doing with her?

Sorry you all had to waith that long, had a girlsweekend so ... no writing. But now I have a couple of days of so I update every story for as much and as long as I can. ;-)
Hope this part filled all your inner Ivar-dreams a little.