Journey Back From Anorexia

Dear Finn

Dear Finn

  I handed you your letter today, I shall write down what happened, even though you were there and committed these actions yourself. You took it in your hands and looked into my eyes before swiftly ripping it up and spraying the pieces over my head.I looked at the ground, unable to look at you, i held all the emotions in, and not because I was strong or because it did not matter enough to show you how I felt. No I hold them in because for some reason I blamed myself for turning you into this, you were a lovely boy once, perhaps you still are just not to me. Perhaps you don't think I deserve it, and perhaps I don't because I made you see that sickly image of my dress clinging to my ugly silhouette. I knew the only thing I could do was walk away, I couldn't stand there and hope God would descend and change ll that had happened. So just like you had done to me, I left  but the difference is you did not care that all you could see was my back getting farther and farther away from you.

Why am I writing this?

Because maybe I can get close enough for you to read this one, get you to actually read it and not just skim through it or rip it and cascade me in a rain of my own words .But I am not rewriting the other letter, you'll never know what was in it, I guess its for the best seeing as you probably will never want to know. In this letter and in the next I will inevitably write to you, in the hopes you my give my thoughts  chance, they will remain unsigned. As I believe that nothing can bring me worth to this world, nothing can prove I belong, so an insignificant name does not need to be attached, I do not need to be attached anymore. Before I turn this into a suicide note, and I am sure I will inevitably write one, I want to say I love you, even though it is selfish of me to want to tie such a free bird like you with the rusty shackles of my love.