Aftermath

Chapter Fifteen

Jay had to work hard to suppress his laughter. Her pick up seemed so cheesy to him. He dropped his arm from her reach and put some space between them.

"Sorry not drinking tonight," he replied as kindly as possible.

She pouted and tried to press herself up against him again. "Well maybe you'd like to get out of here then?" She said, batting her eyes.

Jays eyes went wide at how direct she was behaving. "Umm no sorry," he said awkwardly. He tipped his head in the direction of Erin "Came in with my girl and intend on leaving with my girl. I intend on leaving with her every night if I have any say in it. But thanks." He offered her a smile to ease the rejection.

"Here you go Jay," Hermann placed the two glasses of ice water on the bar top.

Thank god, Jay thought. He said his thanks and quickly made his way towards the table, bumping into Will on the way.

"Hey! How you doing?" Will asked, clasping him on the shoulder and changing directions to follow Jay to his table.

"Good man! Gonna join us for a bit?" Jay offered.

"Of course!" Will replied. "You didn't invite that tall drink by the bar to join us?" Will teased Jay.

Jay rolled his eyes then gave his brother a pointed look. "Don't start shit," he ordered.

"Yes sir," Will mocked and gave Jay a fake half salute while laughing.

Jay placed Erin's water in front of her and settled back into his seat. She leaned over to speak to him so no one else could hear. "Thanks. Make yourself a new friend?" She asked. Her face held a serious expression.

Of course she saw me get hit on, though Jay. Cant catch a break!

"No, no," he stammered. "No friend of mine." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. Erin raised an eyebrow in question. Jay leaned to whisper in her ear. "I told her you were the only one I was interested in leaving with," he said and gave her his best killer smile and wink, hoping to distract her.

Erin's cheeks flushed and he didn't recognize the look in her eyes before she ducked her head and smiled. Shy? Was Erin acting shy? This he'd never seen before. Erin was not shy. It brought another smile to his face. He nudged her arm to get her to look up at him so he could tease her and see how crimson he could get her cheeks when he heard Will call out.

"Shots for the birthday boy on me!" The table erupted in cheers. A waitress brought a tray of shots and they were passed around to everyone.

/

She raised the shot glass to her lips. The smell of alcohol filled her nose, reminding her of the weeks she'd spend lost in a haze trying to forget. All of the sudden the noise in the room became too loud, the faces of the people around her too sharp. She felt her heart rate jump up and a sense of panic overtook her. She quickly put the glass down and closed her eyes. No! she demanded. Not tonight. Not here in front of everyone. She willed the panic attack to go away. It had been weeks since she's been struck with anxiety this strong. She suddenly felt Jay's warm hand at her back, stroking her slowly.

"Easy," he whispered into her ear. "I've got you."

She forced air in and out of her lungs as slowly as possible. The panic started to subside as she focused on the warmth of his touch and she risked a quick peak to see how many people were staring at her. To her relief everyone was too caught up in their banter and too many rounds in to have noticed her acting strange. The untouched shot glass that she'd placed in front of her was gone. She looked around further and noticed two empty shot glasses in front of Will. She looked up at him and he gave her a sly smile. She nodded her thanks and he winked at her. She couldn't help but smile. Damn those Halstead men were charmers through and through.

She looked over at Jay and smiled to reassure him she was okay now. He dropped a kiss on her head and turned his attention back to their friends. His hand slid off her back and he laced his fingers with hers under the table, resting their joined hands on his leg. The kissing and touching was odd for her but she's be lying if she said she didn't like his attention, especially when it was clear he could have any girl in here. Any girl with far less baggage, she chided herself. She looked back at everyone. They were all laughing and joking.

O and Dawson were teasing the shit out of Ruzek, telling Will how Ruzek has landed himself in a dumpster last week. Mouse was fast talking his way though a story of how they'd caught a perp thanks to his 'ingenious' tech skills while Brett and Mouch strained to keep up with his tech lingo and Platt just rolled her eyes at him. Atwater was trying to convince Ottis why his latest social meet idea would be great business for Molly's, while Burges made side remarks to Roman about how cheap Atwater was. And off in a corner sat Hank laughing over a Manhattan with Chief Boden. She was glad he'd finally smoothed things over with 51 enough to join the team here.

The team. Her family. She looked around again fondly at the people who made up her family. They were a misfit crew for sure. They had all welcomed her back, without question. She felt overwhelmed by their acceptance yet a melancholy smile spread across her face. One member of that family was absent and would never join them again. She'd never be apart of a night like this. Erin's eyes begin to well up.

She felt eyes on her just then and blinked away the tears that were starting to form. She looked up to see Dr. Charles looking at her from across the room. His words from Thursday echoed in her head. "You can't bring her back. But you can honour her by living a full, and yes, a happy life." He smiled and raised his glass to her. She smiled and raised her glass of water in return. For you Nadia. For you I'll try.