✔ from this unending abyss (The Assassin and the Trial)「 karmagisa 」

VII. Amidst The Setting Sun

“Please don’t save me yet.”

—•—

NAGISA

My eyes shot open, the vague yet unforgettable scene resounds repeatedly in my mind, stray tears falling from my eyes.

“Calm down, Nai-chan. Calm down, you’re safe,” I heard Nike’s voice beside me with Livi’s hands rubbing circles at my back. “You’re safe, and it was all just a dream okay? It was just a small, inexistent dream.”

My sobs got louder as I heard the words. I want to believe them. I really want to believe that it was all just a figment of my imagination. But everytime I remember his retreating figure, reality just really slaps me in the face. That it wasn’t just a twisted nightmare, but a horrible memory.

“I...could have stopped...him.” I almost choked back the mention of his name. “I could have saved him, Livi! I could have stopped Karma from saving me in the first place!”

It hurts.

“His death was so untimely! Karma wasn’t suppose to die! Alone! Without me!”

It’s so infuriating.

“I was the one who was supposed to be dead! I knew they double-crossed us, but just didn’t do anything! Why didn’t I?! Why did I not stop them?!”

Karma’s death, it was my fault.

I felt someone caress my hair, trying to calm me down. “Nagisa, listen to me,” Livi said with an authoritative tone. “His—Akabane’s incident, is not your fault and it will never be. I want you to understand that, alright?”

He sighed exasperatedly, running a hand through his midnight hair. “Your classmates did not understand the hardships you had to go through to stand at the pedestal you are today, and the sacrifices you had to make for them.”

“I know that, and to be honest, I don’t know what to feel about this anymore,” I said, burying my face with my palms. “I want to make them pay for their crime, not just for Karma, but also for the people who got caught up with their foolishness. But how can I do that when we were the ones who drove them to make the decision? Should I hate them? They will suffer the consequences, no doubt about that. But is it worth it? Should I forgive and forget? I can’t, it will scar me forever.

I don’t know what to do anymore and it’s so frustrating! I just want to get this done and over with!”

Nike embraced me. “Hush, you’ve thought enough so early in the morning.”

“Nike, Livi...”

“Don’t make any rash judgement, Nai-chan. It was a mistake on their part. Before you decide, you need to sort out your thoughts and prioritize, do what you think and feel is right. And whatever you do, you are not alone. Understand?

We are on your side, always remember that.”

—•—

“Nagi, mind if I ask you a question?”

“Īe. Ask away.”