"I'm fine...." "...No you're not" BTS Jin Ff

Part 24: Jia

(A/n) okay, so this was actually meant to before part 23 but I forgot about this. But here it is now! ^^

I sat on the bus, excited to give my sister my artwork. It showed my love for her. It showed my trust in her. I unrolled the large paper. I stared at the colours and the lines. They were warm like my heart. I was proud of myself. I got off at the bus stop, I ran to the house I dreaded so much but Jisu's presence just made it that more bearable.

I burst through the door, stumbling trying to take my shoes off as I walked in.

I raced upstairs to her room, knowing that she would probably still be asleep. I knocked softly on her door waiting for a response.

...

I heard nothing.

*knock knock*

...

I opened the door slightly, "Unnie." I whispered.

I opened the door wider. I was greeted by nothing. My eyes widened. Everything was gone. I fell to the floor, hyperventilating, I clutched my chest trying to process what I'm seeing.

She was gone.

I cried, silently. I felt a hand grip my arm pulling me harshly.

"Go to your room." The evil voice whispered. I stayed out on the ground weeping. Holding my artwork close to me.

The hand dug their fingernails into my skin making me wince slightly. Dragging me to my room.

She threw me onto the floor of my bedroom.

I looked up at her pleadingly.

"W-Where is Jisu?" I cried out.

"S-she left, it's your fault," her voice was hard and angry.

"W-why." I held myself. I stared up at her, pleading her to have a tiny bit of comfort. She just stared at me, stone cold.

She came forward and cupped one of my cheeks.

Her hands were cold, icy cold.

She came closer and whispered in my ear.

"It's all your fault...." her voice tingled in my ear.

She pulled away with her hand. As soon as I thought she was gonna leave, I was met with her cold hand on my cheek again. Receiving a hard slap. It stung.

I touched my cheek in surprise. My eyes were wide. I could feel a small cut on my cheek. It must've been from her ring.

She stared at me. She turned around on her heel and slammed the door. I heard my door being locked shortly after.

I held myself in my arms, hoping to find some sort of comfort....

...I found none.

Days passed, I didn't speak, my face was emotionless. No one talked to me at school. No one dared to talk to me. I felt lifeless.

I never thought I would come to this, but it did. One night, I sat on my cold bathroom floor.

I stared at the beautiful silver blade reflectin the light in the bathroom. I touched the edge of it with my finger delicately. Almost immediately, a small cut was made on my finger. I brought the blade closer the skin of my wrist. Without thinking twice I started making small cuts into my arm.

The small cuts dripped bright red liquid from my skin. I smiled as tears ran down my face.

Alone.

I'm alone. I don't have anyone. They left.

I had myself hanging on by a thread. But it got cut cleanly when Jisu left me.

Two years passed.

I was forced to leave the house one night, chucked out in the cold. Just because I forgot to do the dishes. I came home tired from school and work. I had several jobs, at two different cafe's, doing chores for other people's household. Can I just for once have a break.

I just had a skirt and a dark red long sleeve shirt on. I only wore long sleeves to hide my scars and open wounds.

I rubbed my hands together as a I walked down the lonesome streets.

It was only 7:00 so there were lots of stores still open, but the streets still somehow seemed deserted, lifeless.

I stopped in front of a cafe, I could smell coffee being brewed. It drew me inside.

I hesitantly walked closer to the front counter.

"Welcome to ______ cafe!" A girl jumped to the front counter smiling at me.

"H-hello." I smiled slightly.

"What can I get for you?" I stared at her.

"Umm, can I get a regular cappuccino." I said softly.

I reached down into my skirt pockets, hoping to find a little bit of money.

Yes! I found 10,000 won in my pocket. I  took it out and passed it to her.

The first sip of the coffee, I could feel the warmth spreading in my chest.

I smiled slightly.

I was the only person in the cafe, all i could hear was music being played.

There was this one song which caught my attention.

'My life is between jobless twenty somethings are afraid of tomorrow. It's funny, you think anything is possible when you're a kid. When you feel how hard it is to get through a day....'

I stared at my cup of coffee, listening to the lyrics of the song carefully.

I felt connected to the song. I heart grew warm, there was so much i could connect with the song.

Soon I saw small puddles forming on the table. I touched my cheek realising I were crying. I smiled, the song connected to me in a spiritual level.

That day forth, i fell in love with BTS, I fell in love with their lyrics, their meanings. They were there for me. My escape from reality.

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(A/n) I'm not sure about you guys, but BTS has been a huge inspiration in my small teenage life, I sort of relate to Jia here. They have also been my comfort (or distraction what Jia would call it), made me laugh, cry, smile and I'm sure they have done that to all of you too. Their music is more than the stereotypical lyrics about love/drug/sex/ect which is what I love about them. They are more than a boy groups that just looks pretty, can dance ect, or just a group that you would normally fangirl/boy over, they are way more than that. (Of course I include a whole bunch of other groups than just BTS but they are just the ones who kind of opened my eyes up a bit more about the world), they make you be able to relate to them, like you know you're not feeling alone (you never walk, walk, ALLOOONNE, sorry had to, ruined moment lolz). They have opened me up with different types of music, made me believe that songs should not just be spoken through the lyrics but through the music. They also made me regain my love for playing music ☺️☺️ I just have so much respect for them ✊️✌️

Woah, did I just go into a feelsy chat? Yes I did LOOOLL soz people, just don't mind me 😅😅 hope everyone is having a good day/night wherever you are in the world 💚