Just Let Go

Spencer

   I've always known  what people would say if they found out I was gay. Yet I still fear what would happen if the words spilled from my mouth. The mystery in the unknown keeps me from speaking out. I am in no way stereotypical. You hear the word gay and you automatically think of some guy with a high pitched voice and skinny jeans two sizes too small. I keep quiet and wear "manly clothes", and play all the sports I can to make me seem straight. At night, I imagine what it would be like to be myself. I feel like a lion is waiting in me anxious to get out. He wants to roar, so this lion gets up the courage and almost goes and tells his parents. Then as he walks down the steps the lion hears his parents talking about the upcoming football game, and the courage leaves him. Gay kids don't play football. Right? I turn into a mouse and cower in my room. Who would I tell anyway? Can't disappoint my parents. Don't have to many friends knocking at my door either, asking me to spill what's been going on with me lately. I'm everyone's last choice. I've had to deal with that for so long, that I'm numb. I don't feel anything anymore. The problem is, how do I live when I can't feel?