House Of Cards

21."Anything can change its course."

"You guys already slept together?!" Normani's shock was evident throughout the entire time I told her everything about Camila and from start to finish.

It was currently the day after Camila's huge blow up and I originally wanted to speak to Normani right after, but I decided it was way too impulsive. The morning after, I was still fuming and, though it may be out of spite, I knew telling Normani was necessary.

"Mani, I told you that five minutes ago." I reminded her, trying to urge Normani to keep her focus.

"I know but one second she's mad you guys kissed, then she pretends to be your girlfriend, then you guys kiss some more, then you're having sex at her apartment secretly, then you find out Dinah knows, then she hates you. How am I supposed to keep up, Lauren?"

"Okay," I responded, rubbing at my tires eyes. "You have a point. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier."

"I'm not going to say I'm thrilled about it, because I'm not, but I do get it." Normani paused for a moment, her lips pursing for a minute, which made me a little nervous. "Are you telling me because you want to tell me or are you telling me as some weird way to get back at Camila that only works in your head?"

Her question hit me hard and, without even thinking of it, I already knew my answer.

"All of the above?" I tried. "I obviously want to tell my best friend but I'm not going to lie and confidently say that I would have told you this morning without it being prompted by the fight."

"I get that, too." Normani answered, simply. "It makes sense, though, you always flirted in front of us. Plus, Dinah was never quiet when it came to expressing to Ally and I how she thought you guys would be cute together, further putting the idea in my head.

"So what do I do?"

Normani shrugged, making me roll my eyes playfully but also a little bit out of my own frustration.

"Maybe drive me to work? I only start after lunch and if you come in, there's a very high chance that you'll see her, considering we all eat together on Thursdays." Normani proposed.

I shook my head. "That's such bait."

"I guess," she shrugged. "You'll hate me for this answer, but maybe give it time?"

"I hate waiting, Mani."

"I know, but how else is the wound going to heal?"

"Why is it even a wound? I feel like this entire relationship is me waiting. Waiting for Camila to figure out her feelings, waiting for Camila to be comfortable, waiting for Camila to stop being mad at me."

"You're not in control and that reminds you of Lucy." Normani observed and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"You're fucked if you actually think that. Lucy is nothing to me anymore."

Normani let out a loud chuckle. "You're fucked if you actually think that. You can be over her but you guys still meant something to each other."

She was right, but I wasn't going to admit that.

"You're used to being in control, Lauren, you love that and that isn't a bad thing. But when control is taken away from you, you feel small, naturally. It's not a bad thing, its human nature, but it also sucks." She waited for me to give some sort of response, a coy smile told me that she knew she was right.

"So how do I get that control back?" I mumbled.

"Maybe it's not about being in control but about vulnerability? Maybe if you're a little more vulnerable, there would be better communication and, in result, a healthier relationship?" She suggested. "Maybe you wouldn't need to be anxiously waiting for the bomb to explode and Camila also may not need to be fired up and defensive?"