The Life of a Dead Man

One

For six years, Zero has been in the same room of the same hospital. Of course, he was only twenty-five so he was nineteen years old when he first entered the hospital with secondary bone cancer, meaning that not only was it in the bones of his once strong body, but it was also in other places. He had been in remission about twelve time in the last three years, but every time he was about to be free from the confines of the hospital, it would come back once more. Zero never was a very optimistic person when it came to the cancer, and he often made comments about how they should just let him go home since there was nothing that they could do at this point.

Yuki, Zero's nurse of five years, knew him better than anything. He was often very difficult to nurses, but she was so persistent that she earned his respect. She helped other patients, but she was basically known as Zero's nurse because she was the only one that could make him do something. When it came to getting his treatment, or chemo, she was always the one to do it. He trusted her enough to allow her to inject something awful into his body in order to kill the other awful stuff. He could always count on her.

"Rise and shine, Zero! It's another day alive, and it's a good day!" Yuki exclaimed as she yanked back the curtains to Zero's room. He cracked his eyes open in a slight squint to see what was going on. He glared tiredly at her before hiding his face in his pillow. He had grown used to her and her everlasting optimism, but it still pissed him off most of the time. She had become very familiar with his ways as well, so she knew exactly what he was trying to do. "Nope! You've got a long day ahead of you mister. You best get up now, because if you wait until later then you won't be able to sleep off the medicine." she informed, because she knew that if there was anything that he hated more than being awake, it was the aftermath of the chemotherapy that he got twice a month.

"How about everyone can just fuck off and I'll do it next month?" Zero groaned before rolling onto his back. He hated the chemo, and he hated how it made him feel the following hours after. He wasn't able to eat after it, and sleeping was the only way for him to ease the feeling. When he had first started the chemo, it was terrible, but now it was like he had grown an immunity to the horrid treatments. The doctors ordered it, so he couldn't tell them no. "I don't know why I even have these damned treatments anymore, they don't do shit." the man grumbled as usual.

"I don't care if that's what you think, because I believe that they do work, and you're getting better. You just can't see that yet." she said lightly, a smile on her young face as usual. She was a lot more open and bubbly now than when she had first started. She was very shy at first, and that's why Zero didn't particularly like her, but now she was open and chatty, and Zero could handle it most days."How are you feeling today? Do you want to eat?" Yuki asked Zero, but all she got was a head shake, indicating that he didn't feel up to vomiting everything he had eaten later in the day after treatment. She sighed and deflated a bit. She wanted him to be well so he could live for a little while.

"Let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep." Zero said tiredly, and Yuki nodded. She exited the room, leaving Zero to his thoughts. Every time he looked out of the window of his room, he could only see part of the lively city he resided in. He had requested time and time again to get a room with a better view but they never would do it. He so wanted to go out and explore the world, see new things, experience things that he should have back after graduation. But he had gotten sick, real bad sick, and they told him the news that would have him basically put in jail for most likely the rest of his life. He knew that there wasn't a whole lot that they could do other than try to keep him comfortable, and yet the doctors kept trying. Zero could see the bags under their eyes as they told him they were still trying.

"I have your medicine ready." Yuki said with a sad smile as she entered his room. He watched her roll the machine into the room like she had hundreds of times before. He knew the drill at this point, and he didn't even flinch when she inserted a needle into his arm. He laid his head back and closed his eyes while the medicine, or chemo, flowed through his body like normal. Some times it was easy and very little pain would be involved, but there were some times where it would be awful.

"I'm so tired of this." Zero said. "I can't stand it. I don't see why I have to go through this every time when I know good and damn well that they can't do anything for me. You know it, the doctors know it, Cross knows it but he's too nice to say anything. It's bullshit." he grumbled, a sick feeling taking over his entire body that was aching all over.

"Don't say stuff like that. There's always a way. You're not dead yet-"

"I might as well be. My twin brother died from the exact same thing, the only difference was that he was a hell of a lot younger than I am now." Zero clenched his jaw. "This medicine is strong. It's making me sick."

"It never makes you sick, Zero. Are you alright?" Yuki asked worriedly. Zero nodded while he bit his lip in pain. He beckoned for something and Yuki immediately pulled the trash can near the edge of the bed for him. He leaned over the side and his entire body seemed to convulse as it tried to empty the contents of his stomach. He dry heaved until it sounded like a scene from a horror movie. He wasn't even half way done with the chemo yet, either. "Oh, Zero." Yuki said sadly. She hated seeing him like this, and she wanted nothing more than to take it away from him.

"I'm done with it for today. Take it out." Zero commanded as he sat back slowly, his eyes closed and his jaw clenched tightly. Tears were threatening to spill over due to the attempt at vomiting.

"Zero, you can't-"

"I said I'm done! It won't help me anyway!" Zero snapped, making Yuki flinch a bit at his sudden outburst. Tears pricked her eyes at what he said. "I've been here for six years, and I've never gotten better. What makes you think this will help? They don't have a cure for it, so why can't they just be straight with me for once so I can leave and spend the rest of my shitty life doing something meaningful?" Zero said with his eyes closed so he wouldn't see Yuki about to cry.

"Don't say things like that." she said quietly. "It hurts me to hear you say things like that. You're like a brother to me, and when you say things like that- it hurts me? I know you're hurting, but I don't want to lose you either. I would give anything to have this over you. I would never wish this on anyone, especially not you." she took his hand in hers after stopping the medicine from further destroying him for the day.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll do my best to not do it again. I don't ever want to hurt you, because you haven't done anything to deserve it. All you have ever done is try to help me and I would never try to hurt you." Zero told her quietly as he eyes started to become heavy from exhaustion.

"You're probably the only person I know that could be dying and still apologize for hurting someone's feelings." Yuki joked lightly. Zero smiled slightly which made Yuki happy.

"Only for you though, there aren't many people that I care about so when I hurt them, I could be on my death bed, two minutes from dying and I would apologize. You're like my little sister, I would protect you with my life even if I've got grey hair from cancer already." Zero yawned then, his eyes drooping even more. Yuki's heart ached at the sight, because she knew how similar he looked to the time in which he would close his eyes for the last time. Every time he fell asleep from chemo, she would be afraid that he wouldn't wake up due to how deathly still he would become after falling asleep.

"Get some rest, I'll see you tomorrow if you don't wake up before seven tonight. I hope you feel better in the morning." Yuki said and Zero simply hummed a response out before he closed his eyes completely and went into a much needed sleep. Only God knew if he would wake up in the morning.