The Life of a Dead Man

Seven

Zero always thought dying would feel like he was starting to get cold, but he was proven wrong one Thursday night when he was only a couple days older than twenty. It had been a cold day but he would have never known that if it hadn't been for the small flurries coming from the sky. He could just barely see them from his half lidded eyes with the window open just slightly.

His mind had been racing with different thoughts that would frighten anyone had they been in the same position, but with him being admitted to that hospital just seven months before, he had been in similar situations several times. He was strangely at ease with this one, seeing the snow slowly starting to fall it reminded him of the night his brother passed away. Zero had always wanted to die the same way his brother did, not particularly from cancer but rather as peaceful as he did.

Zero commonly remembered the relaxed expression on his brothers face as he slowly slipped into oblivion and he wished to whatever power there was above that he would go the same way. So on that Thursday night, with the snow just starting to fall from the clouds, he was finally ready to go and accept his fate. He had always thought that dying would feel like he was getting cold from underneath the skin, but with this one his blood was getting hot. It would seem to boil in random spots causing him to feel as if he were sweating even though it was below freezing.

It was that in which he knew it was nearing his time to go, because he felt unnaturally at ease and his body was no longer registering what was going on. He could feel his thoughts go fuzzy and his eyes were getting heavier by the minute. The nurses seemed to be racing around the room, doctors barking orders as they set up random machinery and brought out tools that were unimportant to the dying man. He kept his eyes trained on the window that showcased perfect little white dots that floated down with such grace. He really wanted nothing more than silence, an so he was able to drown out any sound that was going on and it seemed more like he was underwater.

Zero felt rather irritable to wake up a couple of days later. Sure, he knew that it was the jobs of the employees to keep him alive but that didn't mean he would be eternally grateful for that time in which he was resurrected. He always resented them for it, actually, because he knew that he was meant to die then. He felt at peace with the world and he had accepted his fate for slipping off into oblivion at such a young age.

Although Zero still found himself bitter over that day, he had to remind himself that it had been nearly six years since then. He had to remind himself that there was a reason for him living longer than that even though he wasn't sure if he would ever figure out what reason that would be. But for now, he is sitting in his bed with the television roaring softly in the background as he stared at the sheets that were haphazardly thrown upon the bed in attempt to keep them off of the floor. Kaname was looking at the electronic box hanging near the ceiling attempting to be interested in whatever the news anchor was blabbing on about while Yuki was messing around with buttons on the machines.

"Today seems incredibly boring, doesn't it?" Kaname says eventually to make it not seem so dead inside the room. This only earned a hummed response from Zero who seemed zoned out of the world around him. He was thinking of random things that didn't have any kind of affect on him at all even though he was constantly thinking of them. He couldn't sort them out all at once, but he knew they would conflict with everything else so it was for the best. Maybe one day he would be able to express them in a civilized way.

When there was a knock on the door, they all looked to it in confusion. Kaname was already there, and Yuki was normally the only nurse to come see Zero during this time. When the door opened, it revealed Doctor Yagari, the man that had been working diligently to find some way to destroy what was destroying Zero. It shocked them all because he normally has to schedule an appointment three months in advance because of how busy he was.

"Zero, nice to see you again, as always." he said as he shook hands with the younger man. Zero's heart began to race as it always did when the man came for his visit. Kaname stood up and motioned to Yuki.

"We'll leave you two, to have some privacy." Kaname said as he began to walk to the door with Yuki.

"No, I want you guys to stay in here. If they can?" Zero said quickly, looking to Yagari for confirmation.

"As long as you're okay with them being in here, I don't mind a bit." he said with a small smile that seemed forced as he flipped through the papers in his hands. The two siblings took a seat next to one another as they awaited the man's information. He swallowed audibly. "So I've looked at all of your recent testing, compared it to the previous ones as I always do a-and I really do wish that I could say that I have found something to cure you." Yagari informs as he always does, almost as if it is a sort of protocol for him.

"But you are close, right?" Yuki asks, full of hope and her eyes pleading with him to say yes.

"I do wish I could say that, but I cannot. Zero, you have been one of my patients for years and we have done everything to find a cure for you. However, it seems as if we are out of options at this point. There really is nothing more that we can do for you. I do offer my sincerest condolences." he says finally. Zero sits there in shock, unable to move. He knew he had always said it would happen, that they couldn't do anything for him, but to hear his doctor actually say that made it all too real for his liking. He finally swallowed thickly.

"How long?" Zero finally got the courage to ask quietly. He didn't need to say what he meant by that, because they all knew already.

"A year with the continuation of chemotherapy, six months without, if you're lucky." the man replies grimly. "With the rate of progression that you have, I wouldn't expect much more than four or five, as much as it pains me to say." he informs them all, allowing Yuki to finally let out a choked sob as she gets up to rush out of the room. The doctor numbly nods his head before doing the same. He wasn't crying, but his heart ached for the boy.

Kaname wanted to reach out to the boy who was sitting on the bed staring at nothing in particular with wide eyes, he wanted to comfort him but he decided against it. He knew that nothing would comfort him at the moment, so he stood stiffly and exited the room as well, shutting the door and leaning against it. He could see the doctor's slumped shoulders that were holding him up, and he could hear his sister's quiet sobs coming from the supply closet.

However, what really got to the man was when he finally heard the gut wrenching sound of Zero sobbing. Kaname's eyes burned as the tears pricked his eyes, and he didn't even try to fight them from falling out as he pushed himself from the door and began to walk down the hall, kicking a garbage can out of frustration. Kaname couldn't stand to hear Zero hurt like that. He could hear some of the people around him whispering.

"Is that Kaname Kuran crying?"

"Did he just come out of Zero's room?"

"Is Doctor Yagari to blame?"

But the only thing he could think of, was how he was going to make the last few months of Zero's life, the best months of his life.