1939

Chapter 4: Ich Liebe Dich

Golden sunlight of a summers day danced upon the streets, washing over the city as Pete sat in the darkness of the apartment. He had the newspaper still clutched between his hands. Mikey sat beside him and pulled him closely.
"I doubt they'll ever come here... Don't worry I bet you'll never be found." He spoke comfortingly in a soft, low tone as the words rolled off his lips and danced towards Pete's ears. Falling dead in front of him the words were silenced by his own.
"You know that's not true. I will need to go back to Germany and fight a pointless war. There's no way of getting around this." Mikey grabbed his hand, his slender fingers interlocking with his as he rest it on his leg.
"Then I will find you. I promise." Pete jumped ever so slightly at his touch. They could be beaten to death for this simple touch, but in that moment he knew he wanted more.

Mikey chewed his lip nervously, how would Pete respond to his touch? Would he push him away? Leave him for being so disgusting and inhuman? He wasn't allowed to be loved and he certainly didn't deserve it. He wasn't a person and everyone knew it. They spat his name and kicked his knees, which is why he had a job out of town. No one there knew of the rumours, yet. Pete was the first person he had ever truly fallen in love with. He knew it wasn't normal and Pete without a doubt knew that too. So why did he do it? Why did he ruin their relationship by grabbing his hand? What was wrong with him?

Pete wrapped a hand around Mikey's hair, feeling the soft tufts beneath his fingers as he pulled him close. Stomach acid climbing up his chest he swallowed it down. This was so wrong, how could it ever be the same if his mouth touched a man's? How could he ever possibly remove the sin upon his lips? That's when all doubts were silenced by a soft touch, a moist presence against his gentle lips. Eyes closed he wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders. Hands dangling down his back like a puppet with cut strings his eyes saw darkness but his mind saw a puzzle fitting together. The sensation was indescribable, no words could describe it, all he knew was he felt whole. There was nothing that could make his life more perfect and nothing that could tear him away from this moment. Nothing except for the cold touch upon his mouth as he felt Mikey break away.

Pete opened his eyes just in time to catch Mikey slamming the bedroom door behind him. Tears threatened to slide down Mikey's face as he held his stomach, leaning against the door. What had he done? How could he be so damn stupid? What if someone saw them? Pete made him happier than anything in the world, apart from perhaps his brother. He loved them both equally and that was saying something, Gerard and Mikey were practically inseparable. That is until fate stepped in, and what if fate had other plans for Pete? He could be killed for that small act and that thought tore Mikey apart. There's no possible way he could ever come to terms that Pete's death may be his doing. Besides he couldn't allow himself to love Pete if he was only going to be ripped from him again. He hadn't been found yet but it was only a matter of time. This would only make that process so much more painful, for both of them.

Mikey heard Pete's thick accent calling to him softly. He hadn't even noticed the door open yet here was Pete with an arm wrapped around his shoulder.
"I was nothing without you," he whispered under his breath, "what's the word in English? Ah," fumbling with his words slightly he spoke at last, "drowning, in a world of hate and pain. You saved me and I want nothing but to love you. Even if that gets me killed. So tell me what's wrong." Mikey smiled and hugged him tight. He rested a head on his shoulder and spoke softly.
"I know that's why I'm so scared to love you. What happens when yours taken away?" His words had barely left his lips when a knock was heard at the door.

Standing up Mikey carefully peeled himself away from Pete and opened the door cautiously. On the other side stood his landlord. His blonde hair instantly identified him as the man who owned the apartments. But what was he doing here? Surely he has better things to do.
"Oh hey, Bob, what are you doing here?" Mikey forced a smile as he kept the door only slightly ajar. Bob put his hand to the door and pushed his way in.
"I've been ordered to inspect all residents and for them to produce viable identification. I'm sorry Mikey but you know I have to ask otherwise I wouldn't be here." His eyes wandered over to Pete still sitting on the floor. Pete glanced down, avoiding Bob's gaze. "He will have to produce identification as well... I'm not going to kick him out despite him appearing to live here without permission but Gerard's vacant so there's room." Bob smiled nervously as he watched Mikey lick his lips. How was he supposed to avoid this? He had his passport but what of Pete?

Pete shook his head and stood up, smiling. "It's okay. I knew this would happen." He walked towards Bob, stumbling over his English. Bob sighed deeply, eyes cast downward. He knew what Pete would say, and he knew what he would have to do despite wanting nothing more than to let him go. That, however, could result in a prison sentence and the one thing Bob didn't want was a trip to prison. So he just nodded as Pete explained he had no identification and he was living in America illegally to flee the war. He insisted Mikey had nothing to do with this. Bob didn't believe him for one second but what the police didn't know wouldn't make a difference. There was no need for Mikey to be mentioned in all this so he never was as Bob escorted Pete to the police station.

Before his finally goodbye Pete hugged Mikey tightly and slipped a note into his pocket and whispered into his ear, "Ich liebe dich." Before he pulled away and allowed the cold, numb sensation to fill his soul. How would he survive without Mikey? How could he possibly face the prospect of returning to Germany only to fight a war against America, against the rest of the world and most importantly, against Mikey. How could he ever live if he found Mikey's corpse in a pile of rubble from the bombs he dropped?

Each step out of the apartment crushed him as he felt himself falling into despair and anxiety. He knew life would be hell from now on. If only he could have just one Angel in his life, the same one he was being torn away from.