three hundred and sixty five ; yuzusho

day nineteen

i feel bad for not updating so i paused geography revision to write for you <3 #procrastination

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

day nineteen

dear shoma,

today was motherfucking torture.

i said five days ago that we were going to announce the truth in 'a couple of days.'  well, a 'couple of days' meant five, so we told everyone.

i don't know if you saw it, so i'll recount it for you.

we walked onstage.  there was already a crowd of press people and your fans huddled together in front of us.  

honestly, shoma, you should've seen it.

it was a mass outpouring of love for you.

i remember you telling me once that you felt unloved by the fans, worthless, an afterthought behind me.  if you'd been there today (disregarding the fact that this wouldn't have happened had you been there) i promise you, you would never think that way about yourself again.

but i'm going off on a tangent.

so, we took our seats.

your manager spoke first.

"shoma uno will not be competing this season." he began.

after the initial groans of disappointment, your mother spoke up.

"he's not sick.  or injured.  or anything like that." 

there were shouts of dissent.  people yelling about how we deceived them by acting as if you were purely and simply ill.

it was my turn.

my mouth went dry.

all i could think about was you, watching this, tied to a chair or some shit, watching me.

"shoma won't be competing... because he's gone missing." 

the screams.  

oh, the screams.

it was like a bomb had exploded in the middle of tokyo city centre.

people didn't know what to do.

i don't blame them, i mean, i don't either.

the pain of losing you was too much.

i cried.

i just lost it.

my body was racked with sobs as the cameras gleefully ate it up, ready to broadcast my breakdown to the entire fucking world.

#findshoma is trending on twitter right now.

javi showed me.

seeing that, it just reminded me;

it's not just my pain anymore.

it's everyone's pain.

i don't just want you to come back, shoma.

i need you to come back.

i love you.

i'm sorry.

- yuzuru