three hundred and sixty five ; yuzusho

day twenty two

have one last update before i go to sleep...

also, if you have tumblr, you might know that i've had the tumblr blog, shomayuliayuzuru for over a year now... but i've just started a more ~professional~ blog dedicated to my princess, mai mihara! 

it's mihara-mai.tumblr.com if you want to check it out :)

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day twenty two

dear shoma,

i'm so tired.

not just mentally for once, physically as well.

javi and i stayed up until the ridiculous hours of the morning, hoping and praying that you'll knock.

a pranker called at around three.

we raced to the door, expecting it to be you.

when there was no one there, we got even more hopeful.

but the hope started to wane after we looked everywhere, and there was no sign of you.  there was no sign of anyone.

i really hope the pranker didn't know this is my house, because if he/she did, then that's just emotional manipulation.

i've been through more emotional manipulation than i care to recall in these past twenty days or so.

it's not your fault, but sometimes i wish you didn't exist.

before you get offended, hear me out.

or should i say, read me out?

whatever.

just, if you didn't exist, i wouldn't be going through this right now.  that sounds selfish, but let me continue.  if you didn't exist, you wouldn't be going through this right now.  as i've said before, i have no idea what it's like for you, but i can guess it's not sunshine and roses.

if you didn't exist, i would be happy.

but you do exist, and your existence tears me up every. single. day.

i'm trying so hard, shoma.

why won't you let me let you go?

i love you.

i'm sorry.

- yuzuru