Morgenstern

The Decision

"Well don't be dramatic Clary just fuc- just say it." I say impatiently.

She gives me a scolding look and tells me,

"It's not my decision to make. It's yours. You have to decide who you want to be, that's not my choice to make. To be honest, I think you already knew what you wanted the moment you came to me about this."

I'm about to tell her she's wrong when I think about it for a second. Damn it she is right. I really have known all along what I wanted.

"Jace leave for a second, I need to talk to Clary." He obediently stands up and walks out of the room. I go and sit down on the bed and Clary sits down beside me. I grab her hand and start massaging her fingers. She doesn't even flinch like she used to. Does that mean that's she's used to us by now?

I press my lips to her forehead and whisper,

"What if I still want this when I decide? No matter what I decide what will you do?" She grabs my face and pulls it down and looks me in the eye,

"Seb, do you know why I started calling you that? I have hope that you'll be a new person. So when you decide to be good and if you still want me then..." I smile and press my mouth to hers.

This IS what happy feels like.

-

"It all has to be planned perfectly! The Clave has to know that I'm not a threat anymore!" I scream while throwing around paper. We've spent the rest of the day agonizing over plans of how I'm going to drink from the cup. The Clave needs to be able to see me, but not kill me. I think Jace is getting help from that damn magician friend of his. The one who's dating that parabati of Jace's, don't even get me started on that one.

I don't know if Jace or Clary realize all that could happen if this works out. I become a true shadowhunter, I get to have Clary, and Jace and I become two separate people (don't really mind that anymore). I wonder how real life Jace will take it. I should probably be far away from him when I decide. Really anything could happen.

Clary and I decided tomorrow is the day. Clary is sending a note to the magician from Jace and telling him to set up a shield in a certain place. He's a big factor of all of this, we have to trust this Magnus. Then I'll probably give some speech and explain the demon blood DNA stuff, and make my decision. The cup that I don't want I'll throw on the ground. The other I'll raise to the sky and drink from it.

I just hope that I don't do something stupid.