OXYGEN

15 - Don't Forget

After Forrest left and headed over to Keith, who was watching over a frisky Cockapoo and a boisterous Beagle tussling for a tennis ball, I contemplated his question. It was something I hadn't thought of before and something I couldn't quite answer.

At the end of the day, when the dust settled and night invited itself in, what was I fighting for? When my monsters came out to play, why did I stand in the midst of it all? Why did I allow each one of my catastrophic thoughts to beat me constantly? What was I going to win when it was over?

And what did I already lose?

Forrest was right: There was a raging war inside of me, but I wasn't even sure of what the point was. It was like feeling tied up, but discovering there was no rope at all.

I told him that it was uncontrollable. I told him that I couldn't stop. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I looked down at my hands, sucking in a ragged breath.

Bits of what Forrest said came back to me. You know, it makes me sad . . . love yourself a little more . . . I don't understand - I never will . . . you're beautiful - believe me . . . You don't have to change . . . I swear to God . . .

What are you fighting for?

I don't know.

"June?" I snapped my head up, my eyes meeting Keith. Giving me a slight smile, she was completely unaware of the chaos inside my head. "Just wanted to let you know that play time for the dogs is over. And, uh, Forrest is waiting for you in the lobby."

I nodded slowly - at first, I didn't grasp what she said, but then it all rushed in. I glanced around - another employee picked up a small German Shepard before heading to the door. The remaining dogs still roamed around. "Oh. Okay." I got up and brushed off the dirt my clothes had collected. In the back of my mind, I wondered why Forrest didn't come to me himself. Sensing some tension had built up, I tentatively walked out after waving goodbye to the dogs and Keith. Linda was nowhere to be seen.

I got closer to the lobby, but paused once I heard voices. Unmistakably, one belonged to Forrest and the other - I assumed - belonged to Linda. Camille was no longer at the counter so it was just the two of them. I couldn't hear every word they exchanged, but I managed to catch a few. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but curiosity got the better of me.

"- always welcome here. Don't forget that, all right?" Linda said. "I hope things work out well for you and her." Was she talking about me? "- very lovely, but she . . ." I strained to hear the rest of what she said.

"Yeah, I know," Forrest replied, "I'm trying my hardest, but it's just . . . She needs . . . I wish things . . . If only she . . . But I guess only time will tell."

"Oh, my boy," Linda murmured, "She must mean . . . Even the way you . . . about her - it's something different. You never . . ."

"Well, yeah, I can't really deny that." He sighed. "I haven't known her that long - trust me, you have no idea - but I don't know. June just . . ." My heart jumped at the sound of my name. "- felt like this before. It's so weird and -"

"What are you doing?"

My eyes widened in surprise. I whirled around to meet Camille's questioning gaze. I cleared my throat, trying to calm my racing pulse, and straightened up. "Nothing," I muttered, trying not to sound guilty, "Ah, I should get going now."

She pressed her lips together but nodded. Suspicion flickered in her eyes, but I ignored it and finally walked into the lobby. Forrest noticed me first.

He gave a tight-lipped smile, but he didn't say anything. Linda, on the other hand, chirped, "There you are! Get over here and give me a hug before you go." Before I knew it, she took me in her arms and I practically melted from her warmth. She pulled back and said, "I wish you two were staying longer, but there's work to be done, you know. I hope you come back again soon, though."

"Thank you." I was a bit sad about leaving, but I refused to let it show. "I hope so, too."

Forrest gave her a hug as well before saying, "Don't worry, Linda. We'll be back before you know it." It was a relief to hear the words.

Before we left, Linda called my name. I turned my head to her. "Yes?"

Her eyes shone with something I couldn't quite distinguish. "Don't forget what I told you earlier."

With a smile, I promised, "I won't."