perspective | jjk

13.

a few days after my sixteenth birthday, donghyuck broke his promise. he gave me up, complained about how unloved he felt. i denied my feelings for you, and he called me a liar. it hurt, and a week later it still did. donghyuck and i, we weren't that close, but he sure knew how to leave an impact on somebody. he was good, but he wasn't you. and i'm disgusted by myself.

i feel so alone now it's gone to the point i've comforted myself by flirting with the other boys at my school. they don't seem to mind so i do, and for a second time i'm repulsed by how desperate i'm being, but it heals the pain donghyuck's left for a moment. i don't trust them, because i know if they got the chance they'd leave me. and now i end my days wondering whether donghyuck actually cared for me.

i tell myself it doesn't matter, i didn't care much for donghyuck, but when he caught me a few days later, flirting with one of the older boys in our school, he got mad and like you, roughly pulled me away from the scene and to the school roof. he snapped at me. his words will forever haunt me, i know this.

"who fucked you up, jaehee? you're around all the wrong boys who'll hurt you, and god damn it, you even let me near you, knowing i wasn't a saint. you're so mistrustful. confused. scared. i know i was a rebound when you realised you'd never be with him, so who hurt you this bad for you to end up like this?"

and i regret letting him know about me.