Ghost || -MissWriter- » vonlane

Before You

You're... here. You're all here.

Itachi, Sasori, Kakuzu, Nagato... you, Deidara.

Kabuto continued mentioning the rest of the revived ninjas, but I wasn't paying attention. You were there, before me; sleeping.

I'm so sorry, my little one... but you'll have to wake up.

*

I don't like the idea of you going with Kabuto one bit, it's disgusting. I feel my stomach churn only thinking that you'll be alone with him, and I have to stay here!

My jaw tensed when I saw you coming back with a smile, did you perhaps enjoy the time you shared with that... rat? I frown upon just imagining it, but I discard those ridiculous thoughts aside seeing how your blue eyes shine upon seeing me.

Are you happy because I survived your explosion?

When you were about to speak out to me, surely to ask about me, Kabuto interrupts you upon calling me Madara.

I hated that name when your eyes were let down, disillusioned, and that shine that brought out your eyes faded.

How could you hate a miserable word?

Behind my mask, not only my physical mask, but my emotional one, I had an intense desire to pounce on you like old times, where I was the clumsy man-child who responded to Tobi.

Do I always have to live in the past?

He begins to give you instructions on where to reunite with Sasori, you nod without much enthusiasm, although you look happy to be seeing your Danna once again. And that feeling of possession does not make itself present— I know you only see Sasori like a great friend whom you have a deep respect for the art.

Tell me something Deidara, why did art save your life in Iwa?

Once again I feel envy.

Envy of what an explosion means to you.

Tell me something, Deidara, why can't I mean anything to you?

Kabuto takes his leave with a twisted smile that repulses me, although I appreciate that he has left; you're only in front of me now until the moment for your leave comes around.

I smile without the intention of doing so, you're looking at me, I can tell. I know you're hesitating, but, about what? You never hesitate, never.

What do you fear, my little one?

Finally, you delight me with a question I've yearned to hear from your lips.

Tobi?

Once again I begin to love that insipid nickname.

Just like that, my heart begins beating once again.

Why are you so upset, Deidara?

I then understand; you weren't scared of the question, you feared the answer. I allowed myself to feel that you missed my presence, our moments together... that was it, right, Deidara?

But I can't get out of role, so I had to carry your disillusioned face with my heart at my throat, having the urge to hug you and console you.

Why can't I be with you even in your impure form?

You look away, avoiding me.

So much does my supposed death hurt you?

Without realizing it, I found myself clenching my fists, being unable to do anything for you.

Why not think of me for a few moments?

You were in front of me, Deidara...

And once again I've let you go.

Because if it's something us Uchiha know how to do, Deidara, it's to not value what we have in front of us.

How would I know that this would be the last time I'd see you?

Perhaps I would've told you who I was, what I felt.

How would I know a tightness in my heart would make itself present when they informed me you'd vanished?

Once again you escape from me like sand between my fingers, always so slippery.

Once again you are as unreachable as the stars, so far away from me.

Once again, Deidara, you are that light that turned off all of a sudden.

And once again...

I submerge myself into darkness.